Amelia Bunjamin

CAN I SAY HI ANYMORE?

2011-07-16T12:34:00.000-07:00

Hi. I'm Amelia. This is my dead blog. Hi.
A few updates I need to do before starting a normal blog, here are a few points:

1. Woke up one morning, well in my case afternoon, with such a disoriented head, trust me I could not stop swearing because I woke up late. Out of the blue my sister comes in my room and tells me that there's a package for me. Apart from me being a crazy online shopping freak I am pretty sure I did not order anything. Went out of my room only to find this beautifully arranged bouquet. Kevin planned this weeks ago and I cannot believe I did not find out about it until now (me being the complete crazy girlfriend). Thank you so much, love. Words cannot express how thankful and grateful I am to have you in my life.

2. A catastrophic semester, led by a very slow working, slacking me. I don't know what happened but I felt so different this semester. I felt like, and still feel like, the school is a big fucking scam and I am learning not a single good thing in computer, history or drawing class. It's all a big pile of shit and I really can't be fucked with anything school related.

3. My parents and Nana came this winter and it became somehow a distraction and a HUGE help to my school work. You know Nana, she's a pain in the ass sometimes and I mean it! But then again, its her school holiday so you really can't blame her and the timing.

4. My final garments NEARLY fell off the cliff as I lifted up a white flag. I have never felt so defeated in my whole entire life. Usually I would just push through anything, even though I know that I need to submit asap. But this time, I just knew I couldn't finish anything on time, and I might fail this semester. Yep. I nearly failed the semester. (Or maybe I did fail. Idk, I need to look at the result letter when I get back to Melbourne). Like I said, it was a shitty semester, the time left for me to make everything was pretty much gone. At one point I was sitting down on the carpet in the middle of my messy living room, unpicking the stitches of my sleeveless top, and just suddenly cried. Called Kevin and thank God he made everything seem a little bit better, then went to sleep for a few hours. Woke up, couldn't hold back the tears in front of Mom and Dad, started crying for help. It was so humiliating for me, because I knew it was all my fault. Went to school after breakfast along with Kevin for moral support, and I talked it out with my teachers. They told me that if I had problems with the course I should have told them about it, If I had a tooth operation I should have told them about it, not some student counselor, and if I want to back out now, that's just plain stupid. They told me to make it through the semester, it'll be stupid for me to back out now after all that pain and hard work. I realised, how stupid was I all this time? Bought a few things, went home, and started putting things together. In 30 hours, I found 2 models, Sewed 4 garments, and finished all the disgusting paper work.

But wait, there's more. THIS will never happen without the help of my family members. Mom, Dad, Na, Mei, without you guys I would never have finished anything on time. My Mom helped me with all the overlocking shit, Dad helped with so many things but the most amazing thing he did was cut out fabric, it took him 4 hours, Nana helped with the pattern cutting and paperwork and my big sis helped with a bit of sewing. Guys, I can never thank you enough for all the hard work you've all put down just to help me out, you are all amazing and there is no other family that could compare to what we have: )
(Yikes, that's a long point.)

5. Mt. Buller trip, hurray! The cabin we stayed in was really shit and I barely ski-ed, but it was so much fun! We even filmed a part of our Soompi 2PM Hands Up Video Contest there, check the video out! Pictures coming soon!

6. Last but not least I am now in Jakarta after a serious long persuasion Nana made.

I read a post back then with me saying, 'I'm really happy now, everything's perfect' during the New Years. But now that I realise that things are even better, well maybe because Kevin's in my life. I don't want to make people puke but all I'm saying is that he's special: ) Don't get too jealous, he's mine.

TIRED

2011-05-25T14:14:00.000-07:00

I just realised that the new 'new post' process is much more easier. Why the hell did blogger think I didn't need this? Oh, you have to change it in settings, oops. Anyways, since everything is soooo convenient and much much much easier I am now going to blog as much as possible.

So it's 6.55 am, I am still awake and surprisingly, alive. Ate two packs of Mie Goreng and finished pretty much nearly all my patterns. Even though I'm feeling incredibly glad I seriously need to listen to a little bit of Bieber and GaGa at the same time to make myself feel better, if this even make sense. If this craziness would ease up a bit by a notch I would actually finish the unfinished room decor.

xx

TEASER

2011-05-23T02:32:00.000-07:00

See! I'm keeping up to my promise! I'm not going to desert this blog anymore, I hope. Ha ha.

So for nearly 3 weeks, Me, Kevin and MC Eddie (plus our scary commentator Pinky), have been in the process of making a cover of the song Pretty Girl Rock. It's been a crazy trip I have to say. I've been feeling so shit because I couldn't sing this song that well, and how a whole day of recording couldn't even sound good. But anyways, this is my fullest effort and I hope you guys enjoy the cover + video clip later: ) Here's a little teaser of our video clip, like it on Facebook here and stay in tune for the full clip on the 29th of May 2011!

In case you were wondering, AK|vlog is me and Kevin's, well as you can see it's the initial of our names, typical! But it's going to be a thing we're doing from now on, just for fun!

xx

DELIGHTFUL

2011-05-17T07:01:00.000-07:00

Can someone tell me why my number one hobby is procrastinating?
Here I am, sitting down on my big black leather couch in the middle of this messy living room filled with patterns and rulers, listening to Glee's version of 'Ain't No Way' on repeat, while wearing a twilight hoodie I got 3 years back (of course I was obsessed with the Cullens back then).

There's a few things missing from my last post. Had a massive mind block yesterday, I didn't know what to write and I didn't know what to upload. Man I'm losing my writing skills. I used to be so good at writing out my feelings and shit and now I have to think of what to write. Okay good, now I'm boring you hahahaha. Anyways,
- I had a haircut a month ago, I kind of feel it looks shit but now it looks okay. I think it's because I'm used to it right now and it's longer too. But I really really miss my old hair, even though I spew every time a pin fell off or a strand of hair fell loose.
- I have 3 weeks to finish my originals, which is why I need to start doing it, like, right now.
- Crazy in love with dubstep, and as far as I'm concerned it's trying to kill me, this music.
- Crazy in love with a certain someone, and as far as I'm concerned you would probably know who this person is: )
- And + my procrastinating skills have increased levels.

Going to try posting as much as possible this month. I know I say these words all the time at the end of a post but I'm trying to not lie about it this time. Promise!
xx

SPECIAL

2011-05-16T10:19:00.000-07:00

As you all must know and realise and probably don't care about is that this blog's probably dead.
But as you all must know and realise and probably don't care about as well is that I really don't give a shit HAHA. Woops.

So how long has it been? A month, nearly two? I am supposed to make my assignment right now but you know me, I never do my assignments when I'm actually supposed to. Things have changed so much since last the last time I've blogged and honestly I don't know where to start, or how to explain things in the right way. It's good news though! I'm stressing out for nothing here. Okay whatever, I'll just tell you in a non-straightforward way. But you'll understand I promise: p Or better yet, I'll just let this picture do all the explaining while I sit back with a cup of soy latte. And yes, I drink coffee now.

You can talk shit all you want but in the end you don't know the truth.
And so, for all the judgmental eyes out there, here's my ass, go ahead, kiss it.
xx

IT'S JUST WEIRD, YOU KNOW!

2011-03-22T03:51:00.000-07:00

It's just weird how I can only do homework in the middle of the night, and not in the middle of the day. It's also weird how diligent I could ONLY be in the middle of the night, it's almost stupid not to take me as a nocturnal person.

Homework is starting to pile up as I slack my hours away with sleeping or well, sleeping. There really is nothing else I rather do than sleep. I mean come on, who doesn't like to sleep? Okay I'm starting to sound a bit freaky in a way but seriously, I really feel like I don't want to do anything school related. And the fact that I'm almost an alcoholic; been sipping alcoholic drinks everyday for the past week, does not seem to bother me in any way. What's even worst is that I'll be taking a week off from school next week and go back to Indo for a bit, exciting yet risky! I know I'll do just okay without coming to school for the week but the thought of leaving Indo for the 2nd time, the thought of leaving my lovely baby sis once more is sickening: (

As much as I want to become one of those bloggers who posts amazing photographs and new stories to tell each day, I'm just too lazy to even step out of the door and 'explore'. Well don't take me wrong, I explore Melbourne every single day and I have photos to prove this. But the fact that I have to upload things to flickr one by one after photoshopped intensely is just, blah, tiring. Well okay fine, I wouldn't use that as a reason. I'm just incredibly lazy. Period.

Really, sketches can just go fuck themselves. I am currently doing final sketches of my 2nd year collection that is based on the concept diamonds. It might not look like it's 'something' right now but it'll be in about 2 more months, so stay tune!

xx

THE END.

2011-03-18T18:21:00.000-07:00

Like it or not, things end eventually. And when they do you probably feel like shit or crap or whatever, and you have no power to control the fact that IT IS over and done with.

Been feeling like crap for the past few days, can't even tell you how devastated I am and how I've been trying to drag my mind away from it. Every time it comes up in a conversation, all I can do is pull all my tears away as hard as I could and try to talk calmly and collected. I can't, I really can't just sit here, in my room, locked away, I just can't. Sometimes it's just too hard to act like nothing happened when actually all you've been doing ALL this time is no longer there. Fuck it, I can't write another sentence about this, I just can't. Trying to feel calm and collected all this time is just fucking insane, I'm trying now, I'm trying every second of every goddamn hour.

xx

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I NEED TO CLEAN MORE

2011-03-08T06:37:00.000-08:00

Yes I have sinned. I went out for 4 days in a row, that includes skipping a day's class because of a Far East Movement concert the day before that, chugging down beers and shots and soju while strolling down the streets of Melbourne with mates and a friend that just came to study here, and a massive 20 people dinner at Universal on Lygon st for a friend that's going back to Indonesia for good. Yep. My head hurts, it literally hurts. I have this stupid history article on post-modernism for homework and I am ready to throw it out the window, or just swallow it.

Oh yeah, the whole 'I want to paint my room white' thing did not go very well with my parents, nor did the 'I will throw out my old furniture and get new ones'. So I reckon I should just remake things out of my old stuffs. I don't really have the before and after shots like most people do, my apologies, but this is how my hard work turned out!

The long desk that I had before was equipped with huge spider legs over the top, now it's spider free and used as a multi-purpose desk that serves a purpose: BED DESK.

I saw this blog a long long time ago and found out that pencils do look ironic; they make me feel more of a designer. Copic markers placed just beside it, so cliche!

This is how messy my desk looks at the moment, but that's who I am. I'm a messy girl, who gives a shit anyways. Designers have different personality, and this is one of mine. Oh and btw, I love drinking green tea at night, sometimes. Well, rarely.

Somehow this photo is all blurry and shit but whatever. I have two hangers facing each other, just like the plan I told you about, a walk-in wardrobe! Amazing. Threw this fake fur fabric I bought a year ago under it on the floor, it actually looks good (feels amazing when you sit on it too).

Love how my shoes are now in rows and all shiny and beautiful. I thought I've bought too many shoes but my my my, I think I need another pair: )

Placed in boxes that basically are filled up with clothes I'm less interested in and won't be wearing often (unless it's an emergency).

My new collection of coats, dresses and jumpsuits from Asia. Ah, you have got to love Asia, who doesn't?

And last but not least, the very anticipated floor-drobe. My friend Hania is a very big fan of floor-drobe's. And when I say a big fan, I really mean so. She is the only person in the world who could pull off such greatness, my floor-drobe won't even compare to hers: p

INCREDIBLE, JUST INCREDIBLE

2011-02-25T04:10:00.000-08:00

So here I am, in Melbourne. I don't know, it kind of feels weird you know? Not being in Jakarta and around a family that I love and adore. I feel like I am disoriented at times, it's just plain weird to be here again so quick.

There's a couple of good and unfortunate things I need to tell you.

1. I get to meet my boyfriend again after 3 months, hurray! And plus, he gave me an Agnes.b shirt, 2 key chains from Disneyland and this amazing fashion inspirations book called 'Shape Shifters'. Thank you: ) You know me well.
2. Got my Alexander Wang Rocco bag, FINALLY.
3. I'm finally here after days of planning. This is a really rough sketch (look under) on how my room is going to evolve. I'm here, and I get to measure all the shit up. Unfortunately for me, the drawers will not fit into the ultra long desk, so fuck my little life.
4. I have an amazing amount of clothes, not to mention new shoes I just bought, including the massive pile of shit on my desk. I really need drawers but I can't cause it contradicts number 3.
5. But, amazingly, I went to dinner to this cute Japanese cafe down next to Moko's apartment, it's called Purple something, apparently my boyfriend knows this guy who is actually the boss of that place. This guy told him that he needs someone for part time, and so I was like, I'm looking for a job! So I kind of got it. I start next week Wednesday. BOO YAH! I'M HOT LIKE THIS.

As far as it goes currently with the whole 'I can't redo my room without throwing away crap like crap', I might as well sleep on my clothes and shoes. Who knows, it might be better. Will definitely update the room change when I get to it on Sunday, going to catch up with my lovely Whitehouse friends tomorrow at Yoon's house in Geelong, can't wait to meet everyone again! x

THAT'S CORRECT

2011-02-21T10:14:00.000-08:00

I've been reading some of my past blog entries and even I've got to say I wrote incredibly better than today. I used to always imagine my self as a writer, somehow that helped with the boost of confidence and power. Been trying to write from 2 weeks ago, but the words don't seem like they're right enough.

So of course I'm back from Bali, and so of course I'm going back in 3 days. SAY WHAT?
Yes. You heard me. I'm going back to Melbourne in 3 FUCKING DAYS and I'm sort of dying a little inside. I can't decide whether to feel happy or sad; at one point I'll be leaving my family that I truly still miss, but on the other hand I'll be resuming uni right where I dropped it off, 2nd year. My family had been treating me well these 2 months, I just don't want it to stop. The thing that makes me so down is that I'll be leaving my baby sister again for another 6 month, who knows, another year. It's so frustrating sometimes I just can't sleep.

Our family photo shoot was today! Yipey! It was basically from 12pm in the evening till 8pm at night, I fucking feel like a super model, haha. We did the 'cliche' white top blue jeans family photo kind of thing at our house, but hell, it looks amazing! I just can't wait to see the results: ) Though, I must say, my hair looks like an explosion of shit. Haha, whatever. With all this 'photo shoot in my house' commotion happening all day long, can't help but feel so envious of the huge 5d mark ii Canon dslr camera the photographer brought into my house. Why, do I have a really ugly 450d when he could get not only 1, but 2 frikkin amazing cameras, including the 7d? Really, I will have to work for this one. Can't ask my parents to get me something that costs over 3000dollars, or even more!

I feel like I need to show you pictures in order to heighten your interest in this blog but really, the internet is so shit, I can't even do things right.

Been so agitated and sleepless lately, all because I can't wait to refurnish my room in Melbourne. I truly am obsessed with a white room, or off-white, whatever's fine. The annoying thing is, I can't remove the huge tables I have inside the room, plus, I have like tons of clothes I would want to hang around, you know, to feel like I'm living the glamorous life, or whatever it's called. So how am I even going to do this? Is it even possible? My idea currently is to move everything around into this formation that allows me to convert my long and crappy desk into a dresser, and I mean WALK-IN closet style! I'm really really hoping for things to go the way they have to go when I get there. Oh, I almost forgot. the tables will be painted, wait for it, WHITE.

x

DJ TURN IT UP

2011-01-26T08:30:00.000-08:00

In less than 36 hours I will be somewhere on the streets of Bali, say what!

So how was your weekend? Mine was pretty shit if you would like to know. Spent most of my days sleeping or complaining about how boring it is or how shitty the internet connection is, amazing. In case you haven't heard or read about, I've been incredibly obsessive about Alexander Wang's Rocco mini duffle lately, it's starting to annoy people around me. At one point my obsession was so serious that I can't sleep for almost 4 days, that bag is haunting me, every where I go. How can a bag do this to a person?

I begged and begged for mom and dad to get me this for my birthday, they said yes, I was glad. The horror did not stop here though, oh no it didn't. Stupid website + stupid credit card company from Indonesia + stupid worries + stupid cancellations + stupid out of stocks + stupid 'must ship to billing address' = the death of me. At last I had to ask my sweet sweet super amazing boyfriend to get me the bag from this website, and so hurray! It's being shipped by FedEx at the moment, still somewhere in Honolulu or something but I'm super excited! Can't wait to hold my baby and cry happy tears together: )

Pictures from last weeks office party. The theme was carnival or something, and thus, the masks.

Currently feeling a little bit blue, not sure why but I just do. Hey, that rhymes!
I'll post soon, x

HOW COOL IS THIS,

2011-01-20T07:43:00.000-08:00

So here's the catch.
After a long and disappointing talk with our parents about the US, Korea, or even Maldives, suddenly out of the blue, we get to go to Bali. What, the, fuck? This is normal for me or us to say because we don't go anywhere else except Medan every year, what do you expect me to say? Haha

We're staying at this amazing resort called Karma Kandara, I don't know if you've heard of it or not but it's quite popular, a couple of my sister's friends went there and said it was frickin breathtaking and unbelievable. Me myself, I'm very very excited, like everyone else of course. We started on this crazy fitness program every night to get the awesome body we all hope to get. How could we all not think the same if the place we're going to is h e a v e n? I bought a whole new range of beach outfits filled with drapery long skirts and dresses that are already packed inside the luggage, yes, I am over excited! Look below, you'll drop your jaws as I did a couple of weeks ago, and let's just hope it's going to be better than the pictures they give us in the internet!

BLAGGGHHH! Disgusting! It hurts my eyes! Haha, seriously. This is heaven. Do not call me back down to planet earth if I do not return: ) Lovely pics, courtesy of Flickr uploaders, not stealing, just sharing! Can't imagine this yet, I cannot imagine this. I'll be going on the 28th of Jan till the 31st. I know I know, it's lame that I'm going just for 4 days. But I bet every second of it will be the most amazing, LOVE!

Loving life, and enjoying every little things that makes life matters: )
Hope you have a great weekend ahead of you, x

MESS,

2011-01-10T14:42:00.000-08:00

It's been a while, hello everyone!
How's everything going? Before I start, a super late Merry Christmas 2010 and Happy New Year 2011 to all of you! As usual, this blog is rusting on its own because of my negligence. So let's see what we have here.

I went back to Jakarta just 2 days before Christmas, spent the night before by opening presents underneath the Christmas tree, met a few dear friends along the way, those I haven't met in nearly a year, and pretty much relaxing and enjoying life as it is. I'm not usually this grateful about life but currently, I am. I'm grateful that I have such a huge healthy great family, I'm grateful that I am studying fashion in Melbourne, I'm grateful that I have such a loving boyfriend, and I am grateful that I am here right now, enjoying all the little things that life offers. This year would be different, I hope. What I've learned from the past year, what I've understand from all the mistakes and success upbringings that happened to me with both tears and joy, made me realise that both failing and being successful is the balance of life, of everything. You fail, you then succeed, but then you fail again. It's all part of the process. I believe I've changed a lot, and it's a good change: )

Good change, bad change, well, I don't really know. No one really knows. All I know is, I'm having a really good start of this awesome year, and I hope it continues on.

If you were thinking about why this blog looks like shit, well it's probably because of "This blog is under construction". I'm trying to make the pictures look bigger, and change the layout a bit by making it wider. But currently I can't do anything to it because the internet SUCKS big time. And that my friends, is also the reason why I can't post pictures yet. Will be departing to Singapore tomorrow evening, I'm excited to meet my friends there and have a superb time! I hope by that time my internet could stop being such a snail and would let me upload pictures.

"Be grateful of what you have."
I think that's a phrase everyone should keep in their minds.

Be well, xx

SHIT THAT'S WHAT IT IS.

2010-11-22T06:55:00.001-08:00

Been so busy with everything, I nearly died like seriously!

Hi guys how are you all. I don't post very much and I don't have many readers I could seriously see that HAHA, but whatever, still, how are you! It's been such a long time. As always, I abandoned this sinking ship, but came back at the last minute to fix it up back into perfect condition. Blah, whatever.

Here's the thing. I'm so ambitious! Not in a boasting kind of way but in a stupid idiotic unrealistic type of shit. From my post before this, you can see that I have so many hopes into creating this perfect 'desert' outfit. And yet here I am, dying because I have no idea how my outfit would look like on my model. The colors are fucking insane because I thought I could work it. My most expensive piece (meaning that the most expensive piece = the most expensive fabric + time consuming) is a piece of failure because the color of it kills the other 2 items: top and shorts.

Man, fashion is hard. I thought I would do better this semester but shit dude, it isn't getting any better than last semester. I still suck, big time! I wish I would have the ability to make something better but seriously, I don't know. I mean, do I really belong here in fashion? Or what? Shoes perhaps? I seriously don't know. I have 2 ideas on that now. It's either I'm just starting to get a hang of it OR I like clothes + fashion but can't make 'em.

Panel is on Wednesday. Today is well, Tuesday 2am. Hmm, fuck. My. Life. I know I know, complaining gets me nowhere, but I really feel like complaining right now. WHYYYY LIFEEEEE!!!!! I AM SOOOOOOOOOO SCAREDDD FOR PANEL. I might as well just dive in the Yarra river tomorrow and kill myself. Fuck! This is really intimidating. In case you haven't heard, Panel is this thing where we dress up the model with our designs and style them with really cool shoes + make up and hair. Then, me slash designer with the model will go inside the panel room and get marked for practically everything, from what you say to what the styling + outfit looks like. My folio is not even done and here I am still sitting down calmly, blogging. Seriously dude, you gotta start working.

So here's a glimpse of how a fashion student feels like, try reconsidering your choices young people. If you feel like fashion's the right thing for you, think again.
Gotta go, Dudes. xx

JUST ONCE

2010-10-21T22:21:00.000-07:00

To make the magic last for more than just one night.

Hello.
Once again I've abandoned my beloved blog, which was supposed to be filled with hopes and dreams every single day. I've been super busy, I don't even know if I could get through this semester without getting killed. Man, all of the assignments and shit is making me go insane!

For my originals, that is, something you designed and pattern make and sew yourself, I will be making a vest, a cropped long sleeved top, and some high waisted shorts. It may not seem a lot, but trust me, it's sucking the life out of me, seriously!

The only thing that I've sewed would be the vest, and it looks like shit. I will seriously fucking kill myself in about, hmm I don't know? 72 hours?

THIS IS WHY

2010-09-25T09:16:00.000-07:00

This is why I never take myself seriously sometimes. This is me, forgetting this good ol' blog once again. It's a good thing I gave up that stupid fashion blogging idea, I will never fill anything up in time!

Listening to Jay R's song all day today. Yes, that is not a typo, it is definitely not Jay Z. This guy, he sings renewed versions of love ballads of the 90's. Basically it's beautiful music, full stop! Wearing super comfy pajamas, listening to my favorite songs, in a room inside my apartment, in the middle of the night, in Melbourne. Ahhh this is life people. I am, as a matter of fact, loving life.

No pictures for tonight. It's 3 in the morning and I need my rest!
Have a good weekend peeps!
xx

IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T HEARD,

2010-09-13T12:23:00.001-07:00

Wow, I forgot about blogging. What a slacker!

A lot has happened around these past few weeks and so, let me sum it up for you in a point-slash-numbering form.
1. Went to a spring get-together at Zambesi.

2. Backstage for Myer's fashion workshop with Jennifer Hawkins, plus backstage for the re-opening of 'Basement' fashion show with Mitch Steed as the stylist.

3. Decided to sing again, meaning, going as a band into the audition of 'Battle of the Souls'.

4. Dyed my hair fire red. I'm like one of those red-haired matches you find in the supermarket. What's the name again?

And so, out of all those points pointed out up there, I bet the only thing that's surprisingly insane is the red coloured hair. I know right! It was a random thing actually, Hania pointed out a colour she thought would look good on me and I decided to go with it. We did this hair party thing on Friday and everyone looked H O T with new colours and haircuts! Great fun night!

The loveliest handmade pair of shoes I have ever seen. Hania's housemate Phong made this, visit his website at http://phongchilaihandcraft.com/. It is definitely a must to see!

Woke up this morning feeling like shit after sleeping at 5am yesterday to watch Lord Of The Rings. I have never watched the saga, ever, in my whole entire life. And now I feel like a fuckin' fool who doesn't know shit! It's like, the coolest thing ever! The story, the characters (God, Legolas is fuckin' hot!), and everything else is amazing!

And so I look like a geek.
It's exactly 5.55am right now, and yet I am still in a dilemma thinking about whether I should sleep for 2 hours now or not at all. It's going to be a very busy day tomorrow.
xx

PRETTY INTENSE, IF YOU MAY ASK.

2010-08-17T05:03:00.000-07:00

What's up everyone? It's been quite awhile. Trying not to slack at school but all I've been doing is nothing, pftt.

Today's my first technical class I've had in around 7 weeks; tough, that's just the right word to describe it! Pattern of the week is: Shirts. It's so annoying how there's so many pieces to just a piece of cloth. Sometimes I think about why I'm even in Fashion design, but that's the thing, design's the only place I belong in. Not saying I'm good at it, hell there's loads of people out there flaunting their magical stuffs around, believe me. But, I do enjoy it, sometimes. Lazy, that's a perfect word to describe me.

Went out with my boyfriend Harmoko a couple of days ago and enjoyed a stroll around the city with alleys full of graffiti.

Got to admit it to ya, Melbourne is one of the fanciest places I've been to. I mean, there's heaps of other fancy places but yeah, I just really feel that it's really something.

Food poisoning is definitely not fun. And yet, it happened to me suddenly while I was at Maze trying (quote: trying) to enjoy the 7 course meal they had served us that night. Maze by Gordon Ramsay, yes it's him. The crazy chef who thinks he's all that. Well I'll tell you what. I hated the food they served us that day. H a t e d it with all my heart that I wished I did not put it inside my mouth. I'm sticking with Nobu, no more Maze-ing for me.

And so here ends another post,
Adios amigos! xxx

THIS IS MADNESS,

2010-08-06T06:59:00.000-07:00

Hola! That's how you say 'Hi' in Spain, and so I've heard.

Today's a pretty hectic day!
Long story short, went to Whitehouse this morning and did some run through with our models for our skirts. It took a while for the 3rd year's fitting, but we did get a chance at the very end afterwards. Later in the evening, we went to Zambezi to look at our great 'Corpse Bride' mannequin-wear made out of carpet. Let me tell you this, A-MA-ZING! I've got to admit, I've never been to these kind of parties, ever, in my life. Champagne, Sparkling water, Peroni beer, and finger foods. Aaah, this is glory. When can you get a chance like this in life ever again? I hope soon.

Lovely clothes from Martin Margiela.

Me, Hania, Mannequin, and Natasha.
Champagne and Beer, baby!

And just a random rant, I really can't understand this article. You get a picture of Beyonce looking like crap, and this other lady that's just got out of the salon. I mean, come on. Are you really serious about this article? You're filling people's minds with toxic, stop it! Note to self: 'Never get this magazine, EVER AGAIN.'

And I thank these pictures for staying on the wall beside my bed, I finally can sleep without having so much trouble. Love you, Moko: )

Goodnight, and be well!
xxx,

FRAGILE MIND.

2010-07-30T07:06:00.001-07:00

Hey there! How's everybody doing?
Tomorrow's Saturday and 'Hey!' I guess it's time to chill out with friends and have the time off from school!

It's not until the 9th that we, Whitehouse students, would have to go back and commence the 2nd semester of uni. Yeah, I can feel the adrenaline rush. Can't wait to actually start designing something, AND FOR REAL THIS TIME. Man. Last year was a bit, pitiful. My work was all over the place, didn't get any sleep for almost 4 days, and last but not least, I nearly killed myself with those massive cans of Redbull. This semester I will definitely manage time much better!

This week's Wednesday and Thursday was overwhelming. Me and Hania came to school to create our group's Tim Burton inspired wedding dress. To be exact, 'The Corpse Bride'. The second years made the dress and as for the rest of us first years, we made the hood, the veil and the train! Our mannequin would be placed inside Zambezi down at Flinders lane from next week Friday, I think it should be there for a while so come take a look if you have time! Photo courtesy of Hania Glapa.
Adaptation, it's a good thing we adapt as human beings to difficult situations. It's either with uni life or even with the way you think. Can't seem to sleep these days, been having a problem with over-thinking as well. I can't stop thinking about stuffs! I lie down on the bed, I close my eyes, and yet, my brain can't stop yapping about random things! The biggest annoyance is how I imagine impossible things and then my objective/subjective mind would contradict this stupid thought or idea. Its annoying because it won't stop, it's just like a discussion about the same thing over and over again. Really wish I could sleep just by closing my eyes. Breathing in and out helps throw away the thoughts though! And with the lights off and the blinds open, I could sleep okay with the city lights illuminating through the windows; well at least for yesterday!

Enough with all this bullshit, anyways.
Bought some really cool stuffs off the internet a couple of days ago. I got myself a black lace top, a rosario-like necklace, a small black square bag with chain handles, and last but not least the boots I've been wanting for so long! Oh and a friend of my sister's came a couple of days ago for holiday and brought me the brightest green Tods sandal strapped heels; mom's package!

Would love to hire someone and tell them around to actually clean up this mess. HATE CLEANING UP after myself! Everytime I want to get an outfit built up I end up with clothes everywhere. By the end of the day, I run in the shower and forget about it.

The view I am getting right now is just, I can't explain! It's not breathtaking or whatever. Just love it, gives me that calm feeling every time I look ahead.

There's my bed filled with shit; my macbook, my pink DsLite, my blackberry, and the newest Vogue Collections, issue number 10! The content of this book is massive! There's about, 350 pages filled with this season's Fall-Winter 2011 collections from all designers, including accesories! Blah, this is a m a z i n g. The greatest resource book ever.

Love to hang around more but I think I'm getting you guys bored with all this. Oh and please do check out my friend Tommy Boediman's new design on his blog at http://tommyboediman.blogspot.com, beautiful tops and pants, love it!

xxx!

TIM, YOU ARE AMAZING.

2010-07-25T06:42:00.000-07:00

It's 11.43pm right now, good-nearly-morning everyone! Okay, that is not funny.

So yesterday my boyfriend came back home to Melbourne, YIPEY: ) It's pretty exciting how you meet someone after such a very very very long time. Gave him the biggest hug I've ever gave. Can't even explain how much I love this guy!

Went to Tim Burton's exhibition down at ACMI Federation Square. Can't say much except this: A M A Z I N G.
He's the sickest animation artist I've ever seen. All of his drawings to me, ARE AMAZING. Don't know how this seriously big imagination and talent could fit in one's mind. I personally love drawing with fineliners. I think it's really graphical. Mistakes are most of the time defined as 'extras' you actually want. And this dude Tim Burton? I don't think he has any mistakes! It's totally perfect. From fineliners to markers to watercolor to fluro-paint, God! Apparently the actual exhibition we went in didn't allow any photos to be taken, why oh why. But I did take the pictures of his Polaroid shots just outside the gallery.

I will never master the skill of drawing. Tim Burton, his hands are made from magic dust!
And yes, this is the time of the month where the internet starts to slow down and fucks everyone with it's slow connection. Can't upload anything else into this blogpost, I hope the next one could be full of pictures!

See you all in the next post, with loads of pics I hope!
xxx,

SHOES OH, SHOES.

2010-07-20T03:19:00.000-07:00

It's Tuesday already and in 4, well we can say nearly in 3 more days my boyfriend's coming back home to where he belongs, Melbourne! Yeay! Can't be more excited than this.

So as some of you know, my parents and lil' sis Nana came here for the holidays about 4 weeks ago. And with my parents here back then, I wouldn't have to spend a single cent for food or transportation. With the sales going on this month, I couldn't resist and got myself 2 pairs of gorgeous heels from Wittner. They don't cost that much cause they're on sale anyways. But the thing I forgot to take into account is the fact that these heels are about, nearly 12cm high. I'm just wondering right now, "How am I ever gonna wear these heels without falling or nearly tripping over?"

Well that question, my friend, is for me to find out and for you guys to know later on: )

As for these beautiful pairs of Opening Ceremony heels for 2010/2011 Spring Footwear Collection, breathless! To those lucky young ladies who are able to afford these, please do send me the red one in a size 6.

Posting blog posts as often as I used to back in the days, kind of enjoying it again, I guess.
See you in the next post!
xxx,

WHAT TO SAY?

2010-07-16T07:57:00.000-07:00

Hey everyone! It's definitely been a very very long time since my last post.
I actually have spent days staring into this text box and still, nothing came out of my head. Aaah, do you know how frustrating it is, not being able to write anything? I do have words, but they just can't seem to pop out, you know?

It's been crazy fucking months, I tell ya. Can't believe it's already July. And then there's August, September, October, November, December, and hurray, happy new years!

In case you haven't heard, I'm now actually a student at Whitehouse Institute of Design. Can't you believe it? Finally, after months and months of denial, jumping from one type of design subject to another, I finally went with what I came here to Melbourne for, Fashion Design. Whitehouse is a private college. It's not big at all, it doesn't have thousands of student, but the classes? Amazing. Friends? Even better. I wouldn't wish for anything else. I made this crappy skirt for my 1st semester, but yeah, still proud like a lion. A girl who couldn't sew a single thing could make a skirt, out of real hardcore fabric. Proud, that's what I feel. And yes, enough about me.

How gorgeous are these outfits? I mean, come on. You got to love the drapery, the weight of the fabric, the colors; they're to die for. Yohji Yamamoto's Y-3 Fall 2010 collection is simply amazing.

Another thing that brings me to tears is the Resort 2011 collection by Alexander Wang. Love the theme; it has a vibe of the pastoral interlude trend and still have a bit of the trend marching order with that beautiful khaki, wine-red and off-white color around the color scheme. It's a bit graphical to me, and still shows that elegance and 'smoothness' at the same time. I think the black colored pieces in this collection shows such a great contrast in between the garment and the skin. Not just because it's a completely different color, but because of it's silhouette and shape. I have this thing with see-through garments; they make me feel like I'm in between clouds or something. I don't know. Fabrics that has a low opacity, allowing skin to show underneath it, to me is just art. You can do so many things with see-through fabrics. Layer it, shred it, combine it with opaque fabric, or whatever! You can do so many things with texture, and to me, skin IS texture.

See you in the next post!
xxx

PLANS,

2010-05-12T05:11:00.000-07:00

Hey there!
I've been super busy with school and breathing, I completely forgot about the whole fashion blog thing. I don't think I'm going to do one, unfortunately. And hey! At least I'm, well we, are having plans on something much more MAJOR and important! Wait for it, I'll tell you all about it soon, xx

IT PROBABLY IS.

2010-04-24T08:50:00.000-07:00

Isn't it just weird sometimes?
People come and go, and it's actually an essential cycle in a human being's life. I would reconsider it as a burden, but perhaps, I might be wrong too.

Sorry for the heavy opening. It's probably because of the fact that I have just finished watching Sex and The City: The Movie, again, with little teardrops at the corner of my eyes. Planning to color my hair brown or something close to red. What do you think?

I AM SO NOT COOL/RAD/OR WHATEVER

2010-04-18T01:06:00.000-07:00

Apparently, yes. I am somewhat un-cool.
This is my first post after months (okay, probably this might be too much) and months of absence on blogging. Just to let you know, yes, I'm missing it. I opened the hyperlink to my blog on the sides of my Facebook panel and kind of read the old posts I did. It's probably one of the times I felt free to say anything I wanted to spit out.

About what happened for the past days, or months, it's just a blur to me. Like, seriously. Time passes by too fast for you to even absorb on what's happening and what isn't. I had a really rough start on Uni and a mega tiring friendship life, I have no idea what to say first. The things I would rely on most now would be, my Blackberry, my Macbook, my family, everything that has something to do with my Unilife at Whitehouse- which includes my bed and RedBull drinks, my BF, and probably some of my closest friends.

So here you go, Folks. I guess I'm re-opening my blog. Starting with the fact that I've always wanted to be a Fashion Blogger, I probably should start now. I mean, why not? Life's too short to be thrown away, or to be wasted on rules that barricade your lives. I should do things I want to do, not the things I'm SUPPOSED to do.

BLOCKED HEART?

2010-02-10T11:51:00.000-08:00

Just finished watching Pretty Woman.
And yes, it's my first time. Can't you believe it? I mean, I can't even believe it myself, but yeah, I'm not much of a film go-er back in the days, and now I'm endlessly searching for old movies to mesmerize myself.

I've been visiting HUNDREDS and HUNDREDS of fashion bloggers, and crazy enough to think I could make one. My bf made it clear that he doesn't want people paying attention to me (LOL), and yes, I think that's a good point. Why make one? But still, I'm still crossing my fingers tight so that maybe, yes, just maybe, I'll be one someday. Who knows?

Can't sleep this couple of days, and I'm not even consuming coffee. Coca Cola yes, but no coffee. Sleep deprived, hell no.

OH, THAT'S JUST GREAT.

2010-02-06T08:03:00.000-08:00

isn't it just super great, when people meddle into your lives?

hey, here's a story.
if i told you something, and i told you that information out of "i believe in you", shouldn't you keep it to yourself? exactly. some people just itch to tell every single person out there.

A YEAR IT HAS BEEN.

2010-01-11T09:21:00.000-08:00

hey peeps! it's been a while, yes it has.

Guess everything's been hectic for a while now. well, basically i'm in Jakarta already. and will be going back to Melbourne on the 16th of Feb. though i'm still not sure, whether i'm gonna get an offer letter or not : ( can't really explain everything that has happened in these few months.

i haven't blogged in ages! wow. this has made my writing skills go down to zero perhaps. i don't even know what to write, to be honest. blogging, to me, is quite boring now. but i'm going to start making it as a habit once again. why? well, you'll have a history of yourself throughout the year, and when you have nothing to do, once in awhile you could always read everything that you wrote.
Gold coast trip along with the Maksiat crew, new friends, new begginings: )

birthday surprise was amazing, thanks to these amazing new friends from the Gold Coast trip we went on earlier: D

Big sis' Amanda and most of the Maksiat group that went to Gold Coast together's graduation.

for the new years, i went to Medan, duahhh, of course, so obvious. where else will i go except Medan? haha. but yeah, it's quite a fun new years eve though. i met Tommy Boediman that is an amazzziiinggg person yeah and performed Lady GaGa's song Love Game on stage. and i met my baby from heaven mr Harmoko Thamrin : )

well for now, i'm just hoping that moko would be able to come to Jakarta soon. and if he could, i mean, it would be paradise for me, just plain paradise: )

wait for updates.
xxoo.

I KNOW.

2009-11-15T06:49:00.000-08:00

everyone in the whole wide world must've hate me right now. i'm so arrogant, i'm a control freak, i over-think every little situations, and i piss people off all the time.

i can't think of a reason on why i'm acting this way, but the thing is, it's just the way i am. i'm friggin' 16 and i can't even make up my mind on what i want to buy or not to buy. and i guess i'm not mature enough, not mature enough to go abroad and make up my own decisions. i know that i'll be 17 soon, but the thought of me being here without friends on my 1th birthday pisses the hell out of me. i wish i could be someplace else where i have lot's of family, relatives and close friends. i don't really want to throw a ballroom bash or whatever, i just want to have a nice dinner with those i love, and now i guess that won't happen : (

what i have to do is to keep my thoughts to myself, stop blabbering about people's mistake, stop complaining about a pitiful life i have, and start being joyful and greatful on what God has gave me, and continue on life like there's no tomorrow.

IT'S NOT A SQUARE, IT'S A CIRCLE.

2009-10-28T06:42:00.000-07:00

heyyy how's everybody doing? good? i suppose you all are: )

it's been like agesssss since my last post, and i mean AGES. hahaha. sorry for the unoccupied blog pages. but the thing is i don't feel like blogging anymore these days : / too much problems to be placed on this little text box of bloggers'.

what's new? well for starters, where do i start? lol. it's been harsh these couple of weeks, really harsh. and i can't tell you why, how, or what, but i can tell you that it's been making me fall again and again. last time i got back up, i fell again, and now i'm in to a much deeper shit. blankly saying, i'm really sad how things end up, and how new things started to form. the fact that me trying to fix things made things turn out to a bigger problem is, ahh, really annoying.

sometimes when i think about what had happened, even whilst writing this, i feel like crying. cause i regret of doing what i did and i would love for someone to push back the time. i know that these things happen because it's a test you would have to pass, well, somehow in your life once in a while. and the more you fall down, the faster you get back up. i also know that crying doesn't solve a thing, not even a single inch of your problems. but i'm sure it made me feel better, and that when i cry, i could feel the weight of the world off of my shoulders.

i guess i should stop, before all these memories come back to life.

LONG PRESENT LONG FUTURE.

2009-10-06T02:27:00.000-07:00

heyyy how's everyone doing?
probably no one reads my blog, ever again. HAHA. i never updateeee and i think that made the people ran away. but nevermind that, i'm here to write what i feel, not to boast about my feelings. i guess it's just an expression of, umm, the human mind: )

last week was mid break, and it was so so so much fun cause i had so so so much sleep. HAHA. seriously, i slept like the whole week, and ate like a meal per day only because of that : / anyways, all that weekend bliss didn't last long since today's monday and tomorrow's tuesday, which means we're all back to school, doing endless shiteous things on stuffs you don't even want to touch anymore, if you know what i mean. *sigh. if life were much easier than now then i'll be the happiest girl on earth. i mean, i'm in such a complicated position right now, and i have no idea what to do, or even what to say! it's awkward enough for me to be wandering around between 2 pitstops and yet that red light can't even stop me from going.

all i know is that, this will get me nowhere. no future, no present, just a bad past that'll pass by real soon on me. i know how bad this situation seems like but, i don't know why i can't stop : ( i thank Pinky Winery and Danny Tanoto for always being on my side, and that the fact that you guys support me in every path i go really makes me glad to have such great friends like you guys : ) xoxo i love you both to deathh.

am in no mood in uploading detailed pictures, maybe because of the fact that i haven't slept yesterday night, making the grid assignment for productions skills : / i might give up on design too. i mean, i've given up on fashion, and if i give up on design comm then that means i'll just be someone that's easy to forget, leaving no mark at all in the world. *sigh. how desperate i sound right now, but the thing is i am. i really am. i have no path on what i really want to do. i can't see clearly on what's my passion and this has gotten me real desperate to know the answer : (

the fact that i'm in such a desperate-mode phase of my life i should just, shut up and stay the hell still, cause i know that once i'll move back in place, everything else around me would fall and clatter down, and that in the end i'll have no one to put my head on their shoulders. i can't say that i'm sad, but i can't say that i'm happy either. this way of life has been chasing me all the way through since forever, and now that it's finally catching up on me, i have no strength to pull myself back up. how can i say, i'm a desperado guilty of crime indeed.

GUESS WHAT

2009-09-03T01:26:00.000-07:00

"should i give up, or should i just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere." - Chasing Pavements by Adele.

i was thinking it over and over again that maybe it's me, and it's not you. but how is it fair, that everytime i did a little mistake it's all my fault again and again? i really hate how you always say bad things that hurts me so bad and you don't even know that you did it. can't explain to you how frickin mad i am right now, and if i am to speak right now i'll blow up seriously.

guess who's band is competing. YES! IT'S US! '69 sixty nine! hahaha. our bandddd is competing in rmit's artstract event : ) peopleeee, go aheaddddd and buy the tickets, just $15! andddd it's on the 26th of september. don't miss it for anything, i hope all of you could join us. yeayy.

i guess i'll get back to homework making *sigh. i won't sleep tonightttttt for sure! my head's movingggg in circles alreadyy andddd i'm not even close to finishing. crazyyyyyyyyyyy, i hate school sometimes: / need a breakk from all this shit. see yaaa people

I LOVE THE WAY YOU HOLD MY HAND.

2009-08-28T01:16:00.000-07:00

what's the use of living if you're not enjoying it. if everything you do is a wrong thinggg andd anyone you're with is just a nuiscance in their eyes, i don't seem to understand what's the point of me pushing myself to strive better. what's the use?

ahh, what are these tears doing. it's stupid enough to do such things but i can't seem to keep it in. this means a lot to me why can't they understand.

GATHERING OLD HABITS.

2009-08-23T04:49:00.000-07:00

i slept at 1 or 2 am for the past week every night. and it was good. it was a good habit i should be following to be in a healthy lifestyle. and now i'm back to my old habit which is super unhealthy anddddd so stupid to be doing. it's nearly 5 in the morning and i have tons of homeworks to do tomorrow. and yet i'm still sitting here typing down words whilst listening to lady gaga's just dance : (

today is actually a busy one. i had band practice early in the morning and had lunch with my sister and fiona right after. it's so tiring that i slept on the floor in the living room outside, which is retarded. hahaha. like, i had the heater blowinggggg which is so so nice, cause the weather's getting quite crazy since yesterday, and it was dead coldddddd since forever. well nevermind that.

so yes it's agnes kartikasari's 18th birthday today. happy birthdayyy syggg, you're such a good friendddd anddd i'm sorry if i had mistakes in the past, or even until now. wish you all the best, and all the best wishes : )

you know how i never want to commit and stuff right? well what if that changed? what if, i could? and what if, i started to learn what it means to like someone? and what if all of this suddenly shatters into tiny pieces, cause of a silly mistake? it's not something that i thought of in just 5 minutes. but something i thought of practically my whole entire life. what should i do and how, that's the question.

i actually changed the whole layout to somethinggg blogger made. i had enough of fancy layouts and headers filled with pictures of myself HAHA. well at least i want it to be like this. i have no time to be playing around with blog layouts : / so hungry right now, gotta grab something to eat or i'll faint. good night peeps.

FIREFLIES

2009-08-20T23:35:00.000-07:00

i haven't wrote anything in AGES haven't i : /
well today at least i had time to do thattt. i've been like, doing all these shits, like going out with friends and making various homeworks. it's a tiring process, i gotta say, anddd that's the reason why i can't justt sit down and write like usual you know?

so just a quick summary of an up to date time frame:
-photography class with pinky winery : )

- iff opening in chillipadi.
- ronny's bday somewhere in a restaurant in lygon st.
-skiing : )
- soundsekerta, project pop night, YEAY

so, what's happening right now? loadssssss. i can't even explain it in words. there's too much to say : ) well, let's say, i'm not in a relationshipp, but i'm not single either. does that make sense? haha. try putting it together, i guess it'll make sense sooner or later. anddd school's okay, nothing bad to tell, it was really nice actually. cause i get to relax this week to the max. and yada yada, can't explain everything here. but one thing's for sure, i had fun : ) great great unreplaceable fun.

so i guess, that was it? haha was quite a busy week i guess. haveeeee so many things to do in the near future, and so much money to spend for school *sigh. i'll update as soon as possible, possibly next week : ) toodles.

I'M DYING CAUSE I THINK I AM, OR NOT

2009-08-03T05:32:00.000-07:00

well hello everyone. it's been quite a while since i blogged hasn't it ? : )
anyways i've been quite busy doing shits for school or i'm just hanging out with friends all the time too. anddd i haven't updated anythingg about what's going on with me in any way yet. so,

long story short, i'm in such a big confusion. and i think being in this confusion shit again and again from time to time is such a bitch to deal with! i hateee the feeling and i hate how people thinks about me. i hate the way they look at me in a confused way and i hate being the one ignored but i hateee when everyone's paying attention to me. i don't know what i want, seriously. but i do know that i'm not myself lately. can anyone tell me why? : ( *sigh

it's 5.22am in the morning and my class is at 10. i have to wake up in another 2 and a half hours. so i think i'll just end this boringgg topic and go to bed. goodnight folks.

HOWDY COWBOYS!

2009-07-29T03:35:00.000-07:00

heyyyyyy y'all!
it's been quite a while since i last blogged. and here i am! backkkkkkk on writing. well, basically i arrived on sunday, then i had to make the homeworks for monday and wake up earlyyyyyy every morning. monday's a really disrupting day i hateeeee it! it goes on from 10am till 6PM!! can you believe it? 6!!! that's torturingggg andd wtf?!

went to class at 10am, but, i was about 20 minutes late. i cut my bangs straight with a paper scissor cause i hateeeee how my hair is getting so goddamn annoyingg nowadays. and my friend says this replacement teacher is such an ass, the ones who comes late and didn't bring a piece of photo will be kicked outtt. and i was like, shit. so i decided not to come. i mean, i'm gonna get kicked out of class anyways. why waste time talking to a weirdo teacher. and thennnnn i didn't know what to do. so i went to mahoni's, a yogurt place anddd just sat there for a while. afterwards i went to borders then off to the library to borrow some drawing books (need em' skill). went out for lunch with a few friends then after english i met my big sis, and we ate nandos. bought tickets for the movie drag me to hell on 9.20pm and went to hang guk guan to meet my sis' bf anddd just sit there at least until the movie starts. WHAT A DAY : )

and here we are, alone again : / sigh.
i can't even believe that i'm back in melbourne. i was in jakarta 4 days ago anddd it feels like heaven. but now i'm here now and i have to go to school and everythingg you do, you do it alone. i know that seems too much but i'm serious. even though you have a lot of friends here to accompany you, i don't see how that helps much with the homesickness. i mean, family is everythingg and above everythingg, and now i miss them so so muchh, especially nana. my little baby boo, i miss you sygg.

suddenly this weird feeling pops out again. the one where i want something really bad and now i just, don't really want it as much as before. i'm confuseddd, anddd i don't know what to say. eventhough i tried to think me out of going back, i can't. i need to set up my priorities straight. school's first. it's always the first.

KEEP ON CALLING MJ = JACKO AND I'M GONNA PLUCK YOUR EYEBALLS OUT!

2009-07-22T01:52:00.000-07:00

i hate how people is calling Michael Jackson (R.I.P) jacko. HEY, he doesn't like that name! i've heard in one of his interviews with this magazine, and he said, his name is Michael Jackson not michael jacko! stop calling him jacko! wthel is wrong with you bastards! hey MJ is the best entertainer that has ever lived! stop mocking him! you can't even dance like him, hell, YOU CAN'T EVEN SING LIKE HIM!! if you have something bad to say, don't say it out loud. keep it in your goddamn mouths suckers. and you know what? i know why you're saying all these mean stuffs about him. it's because you're unknown, unlabeled and no one cares about you! you're not even the least as nice as him cause you don't go to numerous charities like him. so shut your pie holes and let him rest in peace.

seriously,
let me tell you facts about MJ that you guys didn't know.
1. he didn't make his skin white cause he wants to look white. hey, he has this some kind of skin pigmentation disease. where his skins has large white blobs all over his body therefore, he has to make his skin white so that he doesn't look like some kind of weirdo walking with white blobs on his body.
2. HE DID NOT MOLEST A CHILD. he's not even guilty, and is proven in court. those families are just bastards who wants to drain his money cause they know he's rich like hell, richer than all of them. he loves childrens! if he doesn't why would he donate all those big amount of money into numerous charities? why would he create 200 songs in his will, to give his childrens to sing after he died? THINK DUMBOS!
3. when he was young, his dad kept on mocking him, calling him "big nose". so you can see why he is constantly doing plastic surgery on his nose cause he hates that name!
4. during the making of the pepsi commercial, the fireworks pops out the wrong way and hits michael jackson's headd and made it on fire. not only this, it also creates broken bones, and severe concussions. so you know what, he has this bald patch on his head. and his face, might've been destroyed. THAT'S WHY HE DID PLASTIC SURGERY again and again, just to make his face better and better. maybe he doesn't have the confidence like other people, that's why he had to it to boost his confidence up.
5. he covered his kids face with masks because he is so afraid, afraid that someone would hurt his kids. he love em' so much that he doesn't want people to recognize his kids, he doesn't want all those paparazzi's taking pictures and disturbing em'. he protects them!

so, now you know the truth!
stop talking like he's some kind of lunatic okay! he's not okay! he's a great guy, with a great vocal and great dance moves that awed people around the globe.

and another thing i hate and i'd been meaning to tell you guys. this girl named SASHA LOWE in twitter, says disruptive things about indonesians. saying that we're all terorrists and we all look like monkeys.
examples:

The whole world is hating indonesia right now! Im glad they keep bombing that shit hole! Less asian's is always a good thing!

ALL INDO'S NEED TO FUCKING DIE #Indonesiaunite you all look like monkey's and you speak "engrish" not ENGLISH.. Google it you dumb apes

#indonesiaunite Indonesians are DIRTY MONKEY FUCKING slap heads. All they do is blow people up and spread aids. Death to indonesia

Indonesians look like fucking monkeys. stupid illiterate cunts. #indonesiaunite

you know what sashaloweanjing, FUCK YOU. yeah, FUCK YOU! us indo's looking like monkeys? you're the one who looks like a fucking monkey. watch your mouth okay ass. so you're trying to be racist with us, HAH that's so funny. you think you're so bright? you look like shit coming out from an ape's ass, just like your skin color! eat that biatchhhhh!! you're the illiterate cunt! you're a retard shit and you can't accept the facts. fuck you whore!!!

i know i am NOT one of the peoples who are proud of Indonesia. i know that our country did some mistakes that maybe isn't forgivable or maybe isn't something that could be seen after hundreds of sorries we gave. but seriously, not all indonesians are shit heads like the bombers or whoever there is out there. indonesia has one of the most rich cultures in the world and it has one of the greatest foods on earth. indonesians are very much great and welcoming people, and not all of us had the intention to hurt or do bad. we pretty much are the same people as you are, we don't look like monkeys, we're not terrorists and we're not illiterate. we can speak english, not engrish or whatever that shit head said. but the thing is, i'm sending this mssg to all you people out there who's reading this. do not be afraid of indonesia, we're not somekind of aids spreading country or some shit like that.

we're a country with rich culture and great people, how can you be afraid to explore something as great as this?

sorry for dropping this in one post on you guys. i know some of the words i say is harsh, but yeah, she deserved it. she can't be going around saying shiteous things like that. and as an indonesian i do not like the way she talks about us and i say that she should die of excrutiating death but whatever, the thing is, i don't like people mocking. it's annoying and rude. if you have something bad to say, like i said before, keep it in your own mind. use your brain when you're saying something, and think first before you speak.

THE MAN WHO CAN'T BE MOVED.

2009-07-21T02:07:00.000-07:00

The Man Who Cant Be Moved - The Script

was about to sleep after a few episodes of ghost whisperer but then there's this song from that tv show that is literally punctured on my brain. and so i decided to listen to it for a while before i sleep from my blackberry but then listening to this song, i suddenly have thoughts that i think is needed to be written onto my blog. so i turned on my laptop, and here i am, typing endless words into my laptop, in the middle of the night. right.

ghost whisperer is this tv show, where it tells us a story about this girl named melinda gordon who basically sees ghost, and talks to them. ghosts that are still wandering around on earth are called earthbound spirits. they're stuck here cause they have unfinished business with the living. and so this melinda girl helps all the helpless ghost finish their problems and cross over the light. okay that was long story short.

in one of the episodes in season 4, melinda's husband, jim, died because he was shot. and since melinda could see ghosts, she could see her husband ghost hanging around everyday. he wouldn't pass through the light cause he loves her so much, he can't leave her. there's no way he could leave the person that he cares and loves his whole life, the reason that he was alive was to be with melinda. suddenly there was an accident in the middle of the road, and one of the victims passed away and so jim's spirit went inside his body. but the thing is, this guy sam, with jim's spirit inside of him, doesn't remember a thing about melinda. i seriously cried during this episode it's seriously heart breaking. and so melinda and sam a.k.a jim has to start all over again, starting from dust, datingg and such stuffs. she has this second chance given by God to be with her true love all over again.

watching this tv show makes me realize how wonderful it is to be loved and to love. losing someone is hard and i can see that very well. i can't even imagine how melinda is going through this and i don't even want to imagine. all i know is that it hurts to lose someone special, but in the other hand we still have a whole life in front of us, and that we have to continue on living to make things go right.

i realised one thing too.
losing something or, someone might not be the brightest thing that could happen to a person. and so i was thinking, since i have this someoneee sooo special to me right now in my life, that i think could complete me in a way, i wont let this feeling go loose, cause right now i know, i know deep down that it's at leasttt something that matters to me the most. and if i let go, i'll just pretend i'm not hurt or i'll just blame the people around me, like what i always do. and now i know that i won't pretend anymore, i won't pretend like this is just a fling because at least i believe it's real.....

EXHAUSTED TO THE MAX

2009-07-20T04:07:00.000-07:00

so today was kind of a tiringgg dayy!
like really exhaustingg. i went to ex at about 5pm, ate some yoghurt and moved around the mall for a bit. then it was my itio's bday and so we went to this korean restaurant named chun gi wa, an authentic korean restaurant. it tastes like one of the korean restaurants in melbourne, which is awesome! haha. i love korean food. anyways, right after that we went to i-sing in pluit junction and karaoke'd like CRAZEEHHH! haha it was a wild and awesome night. i suppose my voice will go bye bye on me tomorrow morning. lol.

picsssssss. just a bit though, using blackberry.

awesome nighttt! havinggg such a great weekend: )
but, a great down point here, I HAVE CLASS ON FRIDAYS! i repeat, i have class on fridays! what the fuccccckkkk! i usually have a day off on fridays. and now i get a photography class until 6pm. SHITTTT. that's lame, seriously. i have friday classes till 6. wtf. that's insane. i usually make friday a resting day. and now i can't have one. MANNNN, that sucks.

anddd counting my days here in jakarta, i have officially 5 days left till i go back to melbourne and resume school.
...
seriously i don't want to. i feel like, jakarta's this place i've been living practically my whole life and suits me to the max. incredible malls, awesome food and a greatt place to shop. but on the other hand there's also this place called melbourne. basically a place that sticks with me through my childhood too (i did playgroup and primary 1&2 in melbourne). andd it really is the place of my dreams. like, i have the freedom, i could do anything i want and i can control that, that's what makes me independent. i have lovely friends that i do loveee so deeply and adore, they're there when i need them. andd lastly, the weather's really supportive. it's cold anddd that's what i like, i really don't like the hot weather here in indo.

basically i'm really stuck in the middle here. like any other person would feel. i feel like not going back to melbourne cause i still really really miss my family, cousins and friends here. but in the other hand, i have someoneee important in melbourne, and all the other good friends there, anddd i have an amazing course to cope with. if i only could be two people at once, i'll be at both places without feeling sad or alone or any shiteous feelings like that.

okay enough of the talkk. omggg i didn't see the door in front of me just now and just kept on walking straight. and for the result i have an incision (HAHA okay that was a bit lebay), this cut on my hands! God it hurtssssss T.T

anyways it's 7am in melb. HAHA which means it's 4am in jakarta. OMG i have to sleep asap. my eyebags are getting puffier by the second, not to mention the hue of the blackness under my eyes : /

good morningg everyone, enjoy your day like there's no tommorow : )

FUCK I'M SCARED AS HELL

2009-07-19T02:00:00.000-07:00

WHAT THE HELLLL.
like seriously. i just heard someone ran and bang stuffs. like up the roof. seriously scary, i'm sweating like crazyyyy, sweating as in, cold sweat. damn it, i just heard another voice.
....
some scary shit happens at the middle of the night.
anyways, lets talk about something else to take this thought away from my mind.

so i've been in jakarta for like, 2 weeks? and it's been a fun and productive holiday! not productive for my homework sketches though *sigh, but at least it is for my young soul! haha. i went to waterbom yesterday. what a big surprise! haha. it popped out suddenly! suddenly we all went to waterbom in the middle of the day.

and most of you people must've heard or seen the news. the bomb that exploded yesterday in 2 most prestigious hotels in jakarta jw marriot and ritz carlton hotel. you know what? let me be a bit unpolite. you bastards should burn in hell i tell you! i can't understand why you guys keep on bombing your own country. you're not only killing people, you're killing our country! you're not letting our country improve at the least bit and you're being such a bitch for doing that. funny how retards can hold bombs and spreads it to places with innocent people. the ones you should bomb are yourselfs assholes! you make me sick.

and the thing that annoys me the most is MANCHESTER UNITED CANCELLING THEIR TRIP TO INDONESIA. qwertyuiopasdfghjkl!!!!! all because of a silly bomb that caused 8 people dead. (deepest condolences for the bomb-ing victims) i was looking forward to MU coming and now because of those bastards MU canceled their trip here and i can't take pictures with em'. fuck.

anyways, enough of the shit talk. i could talk about this for 100 pages and still wouldn't figure out why they did it.

miss my fringe like crazyyy : (((

so i think that next week would be a fun one. on the 21st ow would be having her sweet 17, awesome : ) looking forward to that. anddd i'll be having a reunion with my P.S.K.D frienddsss around next week i'm so exciteddd, haven't met them since grade 3. and that's a long long long time. andd taradaaammm widy will be coming back home from america tomorrowww! YIPEEYY. i think we're going to segarra. AWESOMEEEEE. i miss widy loads, and i'm really looking forward to see her soon : )

nadia went back to singapore already today : / and i haven't met nico yet for the holidays. haven't visited my friends back at jubil, and haven't ask em' out somewhere nice to gather. i'm enjoying my time with my family 24/7, well i do miss em loads anddd i think it's best to be with your family, since i'm only going back twice a year : ((

FYI my family growls at me practically every morning for waking up late, and for being so slow chosing an outfit and taking a bath. it annoys me like, hell! but it is my fault for being such a lame slow ass, hahaha. so i think i better sleep now before my mom step in the room and finds me still typing my *inspirational* words into my laptop.

miss you so syggs

I THINK IT'S FRIDAY AND I'M EXHAUSTED.

2009-07-17T01:55:00.000-07:00

BOO!

like seriously, today is such a tiring day! i went to mangdu and went over to some shops and bought a few items that are quite superb. like this white dress and this white top. right, i just realised all the items that i bought just now are all white.
...
but hey! at least my swarovski crystals for my bb casing is black and pink, so i guess that makes the odd one : ) and i've done a part of it already, it looks awesomee! but it took me about 2 hours just to stick 100 swarovskis in. what a wasteeeee of time. but i hope it's going to be worth it once the bb case is done! : )

GOD i hate my braces. i hate hate hate my braces! when can i take em' off and run around free with white teeth and not in some kind of barbed wire?! arghh i hate em so much, they make me look weird! and i've been using it for a year now, so i've been looking weird for 12 months ! wtfuccckkkk, haha. come on doctor,! GIVE ME YOUR MAGIC, and take off my braces. gonna make an appointment for this wednesday. i hope she lets me takes it all off, AMEN.

you know another thing that's really annoying? MY FRINGE. my goddamn fringe! they're like getting longer and longer and i'm getting more and more irritated. but i have to make it long enough so that i could do this really cool short bob haircut. well, if i'm brave enough to cut it like THAT. like, you wouldn't even think of me in that haircut. you'll be surprised what my cut will be lol which is awesome.

anyways,
do you know that i've always had this feeling of, wanting somethinggg moreee and sometimes it fades by time or idk? like, i can't really explain it in words. i want somethingggg like so bad, but by the time it happens i let go of it, or i'll just toss it and blame someone else for the result. sometimes i dont get what i want. and all i can do is just regret that i didn't do something more to just get it, you know? i mean, that's kinda stupid right, but seriously, i want it, but then when i get it i throw it away. i don't get it, i pleaseee for it with my whole heart and brain. i knoww! it's so annoying! idk what's with my brain, and what i'm thinking but seriously! i need to stop doing this. ckckck, such a nuiscance.

i just realised that a lot of people reads my blog. awesome! i thought no one reads em like, completely. that's why i keep on blabbering about all these shits and stuffs. but it seems like a couple of my friends often ask me what's going on, blabla i saw it in yourt blog and stuffs. that's kinda exciting isn't it? hahaha well i'm going to start a vlog soon, vlog = video blog. so i'm gonna blabber about things in person using a video. but i'm not sure when, i'm a very shy person you know?! hahahaha yea right.
thanks for reading my blog anyways, i hearttt you guysss!

okay and now it's time for me to sleep, good night peeps, keep on reading my blog anddddd MUAAHH i'll give you a big kiss if you do. HAHA byeeee xoxo

LOVELIES <3

2009-07-13T23:01:00.000-07:00

looking at my little sister sleeping here is really relaxing somehow. she looks really, fragile? idk. really small and cute, like a little little baby! : )) i remembered the other day in singapore when we slept in the same bed. she was pointing her tiny ass everywhere, hahaha. so annoying. but here i could see that she looks seriously cute! i feel like kissing her nose. HAHA

so today i get to see my lovelies omy ow and nadia in Taman Anggrek mall. and it was really, emm, a fun day. it's been a long long time since we've met. and it's really tears dropping to see friends come together in such a long time.
...
okay i was just bullshit-ing. but you get what i mean, like, literally. hahaha. pics pics pics!

i don't want to ruin the happy mood or something, but the thing is, i'm seriously confused and concerned about this thing. i'm feeling a great deal of curiosity and this brings me nowhere! i want to know what's going to happen next, but it's just to hard to guess. it's like trying to guess how many fishes are there in the sea. right, pointless. cause you can't guess, there's like millions, and billions and ... okay the fishes are not my point. the point is: what do you want to happen next? i mean, if you want it to happen, it'll happen but if you don't then, uhh back off pleaseeeee, you're hurting my structural brain.

i can see that this brings me nowhere. like, i keep on thinking on what's gonna happen next. and i know that i shouldn't predict and i know that i'm not supposed to expect good things to happen all the time, well, thinking rationally. but still, it really makes me annoyed and disoriented at the same time! uhh. i could write you 100 pages on why i'm confused and why i'm being curious, but that's not the thinggg. the thing is i need to know the truth, and i want to know what's coming next.
...
okay, i know i'm just talking these really weird things. but i can't help myself to not express how i really felt about what's going on in my life. sorry, but i'm not really sorry. i need to tell the world how i feel and that's whats important.

right. i'm really going off topic now.
so i'm just gonna go watch bones now, see you soon xoxo muah! : )

BACK FROM SINGAPORE.

2009-07-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

i just got back from singapore yesterday, i gotta say, i feel really really tired. maybe it's from the flights i have to take? or the walks i have to make in the hot weather. i mean, i'm not whining about the heat or the long walks. its just that my body is really weak these couple of days. don't know why, and it's such a shame that i have to feel really weak on my winter break *sigh.

so what happens in singapore?
believe it or not i didn't shop a thing! well... i did, just a thing or two.it's a good thinggg that i didn't though. i did spend most of the time with harmoko goofing around the city and stuffs.

a gangsta hommies !

i have no idea what has gotten into mom and nana but they did this pre-wed-type pictures. ckckck. you guys, i'm speechless mom. haha

had lunch in ayam penyet ria : )

in this japanese restaurant where moko claims it's better than sushi tei. SAY WHATTT, nothing's better than sushi tei! hahahahaha

so yeah, that was pretty much what i did for the whole singapore trip.

gonna go with my hunny bunnies tomorrow; omy, ow, and nadia. miss them like crazy!! can't wait to meet em *love* so basically tomorrow's plan is to go to jubilee, have lunch in my old glorious school's canteen, meet omy, go with omy to taman anggrek, then there we'll meet ow and nadia. that IS the plan. but i'm not sure i'll wake up that early? or idk. i'll have to stick an alarm clock to my ears to wake up. if it doesn't go the way it's supposed to then, lalala i have no idea. hahaha.

loads of my cravings haven't been paid back yet! the swarovski shopping, the shoe hunting in stc, the food adventure, the endless meetings with my lovelies, the manicures and pedicures; basically all the salon days, and all those other shits! i have 2 weeks left in jakarta and i don't want to waste a single minute of it, not even a single second! haha, okay that's kinda freaky in a way. but whatever!

i feel like kissing someone right now.
....
so weird.

IN THE AIRPORT

2009-07-07T08:41:00.000-07:00

This is my first time blogging with a phone, and I gotta say, it's quite exciting. Lol. So I'm here in the airport's waiting room, doing nothing but listening to music and bb-ing. In less than an hour I'll be on a plane to singapore andddddd here comes the shopping spree! : )

Well then better get going. They're gonna call in probably soon, so, see you when I see youuuu. Maybeee I could blog during the times in sg but am still not sure, hope so!
See you peeps, have a great holiday : )

TOO MUCH.

2009-07-06T22:50:00.000-07:00

like, after i found out about everything, everything sucks now. it sucks a lot that i can't even explain it in words. i can't find the words to explain it to be exact. *sigh. why is life so unfair? why is God doing this to me all the time? once happened, and it hurts me real bad. and now i have to face the same thing all over again, but with someone much closer to me? please no. i can't go through all those nights ever again. the weight-losing, the emo feelings, can't ever go back to that phase. so i'm asking you God, please don't make this unfair for me, i really am asking you this. i'm begging on my knees so that i don't have to repeat that unwanted phase over again, please
...

i'm glad that God even gave me the chance to know someone really well. but everytime that happens, it'll shatter right after with such hurtful feelings, that brings me to the fact that i can't even have what i want and i won't have it all. it breaks me to even write this, and i hope what happens later on won't do the same, cause i can't deal with it anymore. i just can't.

AND I MISS YOU SO : )

2009-07-05T23:49:00.000-07:00

how life is so beautiful and shiteous at the same time confuses me sometimes! just 1 day left andddd my heart beats hasn't slowed down at all : / really scared and happy at the same time. i mean, you wouldn't know what would happen later on. and if it turns out bad, your downside! but if it turns out good then, the world wouldn't mean anything else other than your happiness : )

yesterday we had this wedding reception in mulia that we had to attend. it's our mother's friend's daughter or niece or something. like it was really complicated, but whateverrr, don't know 'em well. one fact about me you guys should know: I HATE ATTENDING WEDDING RECEPTIONS. i mean, wedding parties of people you don't really know. cause you know what? you don't know anyone! that's for sure, andddd, it's frickin' crowded, people push you around just to fight for food and i hate that, a lot.

but i have to attend it anyways *sigh. here's yesterday's pic : ) tried on my new M.A.C makeup. did the whole smoky eyes thing, and i loved it!

andddd this morning, before visiting my grandma and uncle and auntie and little baby kayla, me and nana took some pics! i love her so : ) even though i met her already, i still missed her a lot : / this makes me really hard to go back to melb later on T.T crycry. love her to bits : ))

i hope things go well later on *sigh. really hoping for the best. i need all the luck i could get, so, wish me luckk. the best luck there is, may it be there with me.

good night peeps : )

YIHAA BABYYYY I'M IN JAKARTA

2009-07-03T23:25:00.000-07:00

i'm back here in jakarta! i've eaten numerous amount of food and am loving it. first day here i've shopped already in zara and mango. HAHA : ) but one thing's for sure i hate, is the WEATHER. omg if i could express just how hot it is here. like seriously hot. i can't even go out of the room without sweating. and you know what? all the air conditioners' in my house seems retarded. they aren't supposed to be called ac. it's a fricking windmill if i must say, hopeless and dissapointing!

and yes, that was my first sour sally encounter in TA, and i don't know why i miss mahoni with it's sweet strawberries. yuumm yess. haha

going to singapore on the 7th and by thenn my heartbeat won't ever be stable and i'll constantly have quick heart attacks on everything small *sigh.

HELLO SQ PLANE IN LESS THAN 24 HOURS : )

2009-07-02T02:41:00.000-07:00

what more can i say. the title says it all.
it's apparently 2.31am now and in less than 24 hours i'll be flying on a plane with my sister back to singapore, then from singapore to jakarta. you just gotta love it! haha. omgg i miss miss my family so so very much i can inhale homesick right about now. like, seriously : /

and what confuses me is that every single person back in indo, well not every single person, but you get the sarcasm thing right? thinks that ME and CALVIN is dating. like, omg, what the hell are you guys thinking? so, this message is to verify, that me and calvin, is NOT dating. we're just friends that apparently go to school in the same country and city together. pleaseee don't put assumptions if you have no proove.

why do people have hopes on things that maybe isn't possible for them to happen? is "hope" just there to take you the highest level and drop you down right after? i really don't understand what i'm hoping for here. *sigh. i have a feeling that it won't happen and it'll just break whats inside of me. but in the same time this hope, this feeling of wanting something so bad, is really making me alive these days.
i don't know what i should be waiting.
and i don't know why i'm hoping so much.
but the thing is, that's how it is.
...

aaaah these thoughts keep haunting my head, and every now and then i can't sleep well. so anyways i might as well sleep right now : /

*btw sorry for the pic-less blog. the internet's really slow right now and i can't do shit about it.

YESSSS I'M GOING BACK TO JAKARTA SO SO SOON

2009-06-30T23:59:00.000-07:00

hey peeps!
i'm going back to jakarta like, really2 soon. just the the day after tomorrow, on the 2nd. and i'm really really excited! : )))) smiles x100. hahaha. and you know what, going to singapore on the 7th, to shop till i drop. CAN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS!

what is my to-do list when i get back?
1. going to buy swarovski crystals to stick on my blackberry cover myself. eat thatttttt 1million rupiah covers! i can make it in under 500thousand rupiah worth of swarovski love : )
2. EAT! eat all those glorious magical food. sop buntut goreng, mie bule (well any mie counts, but mie bule is a priority!! ), SUSHI TEI OMGGG sushi tei is a must, rawon, sate padang, bakso mangdu, soto mangdu, and many many more. i can'tttt waitttt ! : )))))
3. shopping is a definite must. like i'm serious! this is supposed to be no.1. wait, ALL OF THIS SHIT IS A MUST IN MY TO DO LIST. hahahaha. i guess i need a bigger and braver luggage for all of my crazy-weighted clothes.
4. meet with all of my lovely friends back in jakarta.
5. SPEND LOADS OF TIME SLEEPING.
6. spend loads of time with family. i miss them so !
7. buy art stuffs and bring it back to melb. i mean, it is cheaper you know.
8. buy loads of pirated dvd's and mac programs. and i mean photoshop, illustrator and indesign applications. seriously lethal for asshitments.
9. take my sidekick phone's ass to melbourne! i'm kinda sick with blackberry : /
10. and i don't know what else i should do later right now but you get my point. HAHA.

and so my finger cut has recovered a bit but there's just a little insy bitsy tiny problem, the skin is still hanging on or something. like disgusting-ly. should i go to a doctor or something? cause i'm starting to get really really scared about this : / i'm serious. TEXT ME OKAY, TELL ME WHAT TO DO, OR just drop a comment in fb and twitter or something.

anyways i got a new media test tomorrow. and so i have to wake up early or i'm toasted! good night lovelies : )

: )

2009-06-27T03:20:00.000-07:00

for you.
xoxo

FINGER CUT.

2009-06-24T21:48:00.000-07:00

this is lame! i'm so serious doing my homework yesterday, and so sleepy too, that i cut my index finder real deep, and nearly lost the skin too. wtf! this is what i get for making my homework. that sucks.

i had been feeling sick since tuesday and it's all because of the late night homework making, and staying up till morning, all just to get high distinction. i don't ever want to get a mark below distinction, and i'm serious about it! i need to get high marks and i don't care how tiring it gets, how sick i get, how ugly i look in the morning, or how i wear my clothes. it's all for holy high distinction and i am really really serious about it.

not only has it been really tiring, it's really lonesome too. calvin thamrin will go back to medan tomorrow, and that sucks! all that's left here is me kevin and ronny. and we will go for a movie later saturday. TRANSFORMERS! ahahaha. shit i have like no money left. all i have in my wallet is 10 dollars. it's all because of the book printingg and ink i must afford. goddamn it why is everything here so expensive. i need money to eat! grrr. today i only ate dinner. i've been really really busy.

oh yeah. i think i nearly dislocate my jaw. maybe it's because the other day i was sleeping in class on one side for nearly an hour. and when i woke up, all i could feel is : FUCK WTH IS THIS PAIN. hahaha.

anyways i gotta go make my booklet. and FUCKKK i forgott! my drawing folio isn't done at all. *sigh. gotta go. see ya when i see ya : )

WHY THE HELL IS EVERYONE BACK TO INDO ALREADY

2009-06-21T21:54:00.000-07:00

hello guys : )
it's been a busy week so i couldn't blog. well today is a busy one too, but i suppose i'm the relaxing type of person. i take it seriously, but i just can't make it before the deadline. HAHA. other than that, i haven't found any ideas yet for my poster design whilst my booklet and new media book design is nearly finished. well my booklet is still a long way to go, but hey! at least i have a theme for the design already. this poster thing, is so shiteous. like why should all the subjects do books and posters, something that has to do with layouts, in the SAME time? like i have to find 3 different layout designs, and that pisses me off!!

anyways, everyone's back to indo, and the ones still here are going on pyshco mode, studying for finals. aaah 2 more weeks is definitely killing me : / i know i said this before, but i hate the fact that everyooooneee is back in jakarta having the time of their life! grrr. so pissed off.

i just bought 2 nudie jeans btw. and yeah, awesome HAHAHA : ) it's on sale, 50%off. i can't resist the smell of discounts when it's something to do with nudie. i think i'm starting a nudie collection, haha lol.

2009-06-15T07:52:00.000-07:00

Amelia

A crazy, awesome, loud, lovable girl. Impossible not to be smiling when around her. She lights up the entire room when she comes in. The bestest friend you will ever have.

Sometimes known as Mia or Millie.

Amelia did a crazy dance move that only she can pull off!
source: urbandictionary.com

awesome how my name could pop out a meaning that is exactly me! i am loud, i am super duper awesome, and i love being crazyyy and lovable at the same time. i'll make you smile whatever your mood is, i'll light you up like a light bulb and i'll accompany you through good and bad times as a bestie : )

enough about me, what about you? try searching it up in urbandictionary.com and find you're name's meaning!

today's an awfully bad day for me, good thing as it gets darker my mood gets better and by the time i had dinner with my 12 years childhood friend calvin thamrin, i felt muchmuch better : ) thanks for making my night better man, haha. we ate at blok m and i was completely in love with the food there, especially the chilli. wonder why people say it's not so nice, but to me it's AMAZINGGGG, like, seriously indonesia : )

fffuuuuuccccckkkkkkk everyone's going home this week/next week! LAMELAMELAME! TTTTTT i want to go home toooooo!!! : (((( so homesickened by the fact that everyone's enjoying the time of their life, a couple of weeks off from school. RUAARRR WHILE I'M STILL HERE, doing my final project, that i suck at doing, T.T i need to go to churchhhh hahahaha.

miss who? you !
xoxo

HEY HEY THERE.

2009-06-14T23:30:00.000-07:00

"I love her and that's the beginning of everything."
-- F. Scott Fitzgerald

i just realised that time means everything. with loads of time together with him, it's all where you want to be, no where else. with loads of time you could finish your asshitments, and not to worry about handing in late. with loads of time you could have fun with everyone you love, and that's a plus. 24 hours in a day is just isn't enough, and i bet 100 a day isn't either.

mom and dad and brother Reza just went back to Indonesia just now T.T!!!
crycryyyy it's so silent here now, just the two of us, me and mei2. lonely T.T DAMN IT! i want to go back to indooooo like seriouslyy, right now! i'm so sick of doing photoshops and indesigns. i can't even go skii-ing these weeks because mom is scared i'll get a flu and that prevents me on going on a flight back to indo.

UNEXPLAINED PHENOMENA.

2009-06-11T02:03:00.000-07:00

It's your smile,

Your face, your lips that I miss,
Those sweet little eyes that stare at me

And make me say,
I'm with you through all the way.

'Cause it's you
Who fills the emptiness in me;
It changes ev'rything, you see,
When I know I've got you with me

(You - Basil Valdez)

do you know how strange it is to be in the same position over and over again? and it isn't just a one thing coincidence, it happens to come by every year in my life. how hard it is to tell these same words again and again, and always knowing how big the consequence is and what it'll effect to other people.

it's effin' cold today, and i had no idea what else to use to cover this cold breeze! so, i had to pull out one of my best socks and leggings : ))) isn't this just lovely? HAHA

i
really
do
miss
youuuuu,
but you don't seem to feel the same? whateverrrrr, nights xoxo.

IMYA : (

2009-06-10T02:02:00.000-07:00

*sigh.
what am i gonna do without you? okay that's too much : / but still! i miss you already. and it sucks. i'll have to spend another approx. 3 weeks here, waking up at 8 on weekdays, and doing nothing on the weekends. GRR. i want to go back to jakartaaaaaa likeee, seriously : / everybody's home already. and i'm still here, stuck with school! : (((( maybe i should start going to church, i should make it a habit and start praying to God everytime i eat, or everytime i'm joyful of something. i don't know : /

today's my brother Reza Bunjamin's birthdayyy!! congratulations, and celebrations! haha. wish you all the best rex, don't be so dirty will ya. we ate at rockpool in crown. awesome interior design, great food. you should try the wagyu, especially that! tastes like heaven : ) moko you ass, it turns out your menus aren't so bad after all, thankkkssss!

pics are overloaded in facebook, if you have time, feel free to take a look. awesome photobooth pictures of my mom too, hahahaha. she has such a young spirit, i should tell you that! : ))

it's already 2 am, and i don't have the least interest in going to school tomorrow. *sigh. new media class is such an ASS! it's so unimportant grrr. and why is it so early, like, 9 am? that sucks! fcuk. and you know what? it's a 4 hour class. what forrrrrrr!! everytime i go in this class, i'll just end up sleeping.

damn it, i have homework for design com and i haven't made it. so catch up with you later !: ))) xoxo

WHAT A DAY.

2009-06-08T09:52:00.000-07:00

things things and other loads of things i need to tell you! : )

1st of all, my parents are here. yeahh! they are : ) and when they first arrive all they do is complain about how messy the place is. and mom starts cleaning the kitchen while dad unpack the indomie they brought here. God, this to me is veryvery clean. but to them it's still messy. so anyways, mission failed. HAHAHA. o well. what to do anyways.

and now they're sleeping in the master bedroom, which is my room. and thus that automatically means i'm kicked out of my room. so i'll have to sleep with my sister for 6 days. right now she's studying so she told me to play outside. i'm now sitting on the couch in the living room, alone, alone in the empty road. hahaha, with my little bolster, all alone. AHAHAH okay i'll stop the alone thing. and i'm frickin sleepy, i think i'll sleep on the couch. pity me.

but there's some advantages to it too. i got a new camera! yipee me, it's 450D canon. i wanted d90 nikon but o well, this is good enough too. i'll buy d90 when i have my own money, i can't bother to use my parents money. and besides that, i got new clothes. which are funky and awesome looking. gonna use em' asap! : )))

and i bought some clothes at dfo yesterday, and at glue. i just told my sister and mom about it. and they were pretty pissed cos i was not using the money they gave me to eat but to shop, but o well, what can i do. i'm such a fashion victim : (( it's all because of harmoko thamrin you son of a mother. hahahahaha. you told me to buy the shirt cause it looks good on me! admit it you just want me to spend money. I HATE YOUUUU hahahahahahha

tomorrow's my brother's birthday. and i think we're eating at koko in crown. AWESOME!
xoxo

SUCKS.

2009-06-06T02:58:00.000-07:00

i do, cherish you. for the rest of my life, you don't have to think twice. i will, love you still. from the depths of my soul, it's beyond my control (i've waited so long), to say this to you. if you're asking do i love you this much, i do. - i do (cherish you) by 98 degrees.

i am right in the middle, and it sucks. i'm wishing for this month to end faster, PLEASE. it's apparently disrupting my mind and emitting toxic to my brain. *sigh. this seriously sucks.

what sucks is that i am so frickin broke, i can't eat snacks anymore. like seriously! ARGHH, i don't enjoy myself as much as i do before : // i'm waiting so so patiently for monday. OH God pleaseee make it come fast! daddy and mommy are gonna be here soon, and i'm really excited! i know that i said this in the last post but whatever, I AM EXCITED! haha. and i need a shopping spree, like, seriously. i need cheap monday jeans asap. or not i'll melt in beneath the ocean where the fishes live.
.....
HAHAHA, okay i was just playing around. that wasn't serious. it was just, you know, literally.

and you frickin know what? yesterday i found someone's wallet in the food court. and i took it and open it to find out whether there's any number or not. but then this 2 nosy bitches started to tell me to just put it in the table. and i was just like, whatever man i found it. and it's not like i'm gonna steal it, i have limited money yes, here, but i'm not that fuckin desperate to steal someone's wallet. geez, doesn't my face show it all? i mean i'm a good person! whathel is wrong with those 2 bitches. and you know what? to top it off they asked me for the wallet to give it to the information desk. dalem ati gue, FUCK YOUUU! shittt, it's so unpolite. i feel the most outraged! hate nosy people who keeps on going on things that you're not even in. I FOUND THE WALLET, and i will return it to the owner MY WAY. so why don't you piss off. goddamn retards. insane how people these days think. where's their brain.

just got back from watching the movie terminator salvation. and it was okay? i guess. it wasn't so WOW, it was just okay. cause maybe i expected too much from that movie. but whateverrr! there's gonna be a surprise guest star playing near the end of the movie, which is frickin hilarious ! hhahahaha.

OH THE JOY

2009-06-03T21:52:00.000-07:00

if you love me, and you will see something you'll never know. more you love me, more you will see, love will keep us together. - love me by glenn fredly.

okay, let's just assume that today is a wonderful rainy day, and i wonder why : p not telling, not saying the single least detail. just one thing that i'm sure of, is that i don't think i'll give up. i'm sorry but i'll stand with my choice this time.

skipped new media this morning, again. and this is for the uncountable times for this term. hahahaha. i don't know why but i feel that new media class is kinda useless. i mean yeah the teacher did give me some tips on several things that i didn't know about before. but without it i'll survive photoshop just well actually, and going to class so early in the morning is just a nuiscance.
mommy and daddy's coming early on monday the 8th and i'm excited! at the same time i'm mourning my fate too : / like seriously, me and my sister would have to clean the whole house super duper clean. andd i'll have to move out of the master bedroom for a week and sleep in my sister's room. which is such a BOO!! well the good points are better though. i'll go shopping to numerous shops in melbourne, not to mention eating at koko or nobu. i'm super excited for next week actually, can't waiittt! i miss them so much too, i'm beginning to count days till they arrive : ))

pics from fiona's a.k.a afang's bday surprise the other day.

NOTE TO GOD.

2009-06-02T22:20:00.000-07:00

if i wrote a note to God, i will speak what's in my soul. i'd ask for the hate to be swept away for love to overflow. if i wrote a note to God, i'd pour my heart out on each page. - note to god by charice pempengco.

this girl is awesome, i envy her greatgreat voice. this is a great single of hers that is just out not long ago. and i loveeeee itttt, ♥

today's the great discount in myer's and david jones. but why is bad luck surrounding me today? i mean, what the hell i found this really great top, just 40dollars, but they don't have it in my size. found this superb leather jacket, the same thing! no size! AAAAH, it's so not fair! i bought a really small scarf, zebra patterns in red. it's quite awesome actually. and what's even worst is that my mind is twisting around this fred perry shirt, it's black with electric blue stripes. super duper temptingggg i sweearrr it is! aaaarrggh if only i had my own money, i wouldn't be using it as carefully as how i use my parents money.

stupidly, i give up. i give up liking this one guy, cause of these prospects that doesn't combine well. my heart tells me to continue, but my brain tells me to stop it right away. it's heartbreaking, it really is: ( but i just can't betray the trust. i'll just have to stop hoping things that wouldn't be coming by. i know that sucks but what can i do more. so i'll just play my part, till he have a change of heart. but i can't make him see it through, that's something only love can do.

BROKEN DREAMS IN BOULEVARD ROAD.

2009-06-01T19:50:00.000-07:00

how more dense i could ever be to even believe that everything that i hoped for comes true? *sigh. bullshit, nothing in this world comes the way you like it and believe me, don't dream too long. why can't my life be less complicated and be as simple as everyone else. i'm not complaining nor whining. but why can't i get this thing, this little thinggg that i deserve since like, forever? and not even a single sign shows up to complement to this, "thing". what makes me feel so disoriented, so bewildered, just because of this thing, this indistinguishable desire, this unimaginable feeling? the way people see it, i'm just being an idiotic girl that no one gets. but what i feel is . . . different.

anyways,i dreamt about something really really amazing last night, and as narrated below, here you go, the ultimate love story i could ever ask for : )

a dream last night was me walking back from school, and suddenly he's waiting in the lobby with a bouquet, no, not just a bouquet. but 99 bouquets of red roses with one bouquet of white roses. all these flowers prettifying the lobby making it so flashy and glitzy, and not one word could come out of my mouth. he was there, sitting down. smiling. God i love that smile. who could ever resist a smile so sweet. so sweet that it was frightening for me to look away. frightened to lose that sweetest smile of his. his tuxedo fitted him, it was the right choice, the choice that i would've picked for him. that tall captivating figure started walking towards my direction, and all of a sudden all i could feel in my heart is love, oh great love!

.....
..............
OKAY NOW, I'M JUST KIDDING, HAHAHA. please, i don't dream of these, these are just fantasies that are too awesome to be true, lolololollmao!

well my actual dream was that i walked back from school, and he was there in the lobby with dinner, and we ate outside on the bench. hahahahahahahahaha so different from the one i narrated HAHA i know i'm awesome in making stories up : ))))

today sucks, i need some sleep. byeee

FIONA'S BBQ

2009-05-31T15:14:00.000-07:00

hey there! i'm just back from the bbq place down at my place. but then i was too cold that's why i went back up. brrr. but anyways, it's her birthday bbq party todayy. seriously tiring but was worth it, the porkbelly = love. hahaha.

pics are all in my sister's friend's camera. and i only took pics with nie2 with my webcam. LOL : )

toodles darls :) xoxo

HOW SHOULD I SAY THIS?

2009-05-30T22:32:00.000-07:00

you're really cute and sweet but what i want isn't you.
........
what i should say right now is that, i'm in a state of mind where i'm really confused and have no idea what to do or how to react to things: / i don't know if i meant that sentence, that single phrase of words. but what i know is that it is, for now. *sigh. don't think of it as a serious thing, it's probably just my nerves : /

the internet is still frickin slow, so i'll just post a picture here, showing how much i love felicia stephanie, one of my delicate friends, haha xoxo love you beeaaatch!

in no mood to write anything specific : ( i'll write soon , xoxo

A PITY IT WAS.

2009-05-29T23:30:00.000-07:00

if only i was 2 years older. i would've been there at her pre-birthday party. what a pity : / feel really badd i can't go. i envy you guys so so very much!!! qwyertuioposodsf%^!I&#!!!! and i know my age doesn't complement to the situation but, yeah. is it wrong for a 16year old to feel this way? haha. it must've passed every 16 year old's mind i'm sure. the difference is they go for it and don't care but i care and i need a permission first before i could go that's for sure.

just came back from feli's bday dinner at sofia. turned up quiet late, thus i have to order a different set of meal : ( sorry fel haha. pictures are coming soon. i'm not sure whether agnes had posted it up on facebook or not, but feel free to look around my facebook profile : ) on the other hand, yesterday we surprised her with water balloons and soak her wet in the cold at night. HAHA i know, we're cruel but whatever! it's your birthday fel, the point of birthday's are sabotaging people.

i'll upload pictures soon, but today i can't cause the internet connection's goddamn slow,! : /

anyways i'll just drive away these sad feeling of REGRET AND DISSAPOINTMENT of not going with a movie marathon and i guess off to bed : /

DAMN THIS IS DUMB.

2009-05-26T01:01:00.000-07:00

okay guys. so i managed to finish my blog layout right before 1am. and i haven't done my presentation slides yet so, OMG, such a dumb person i am: /

but anyways, what do you think about my new layout? i know it's not so special. what can you say, a laptop without photoshop is just like an orange without the skin. hahahaha looking at my words just now i'll just laugh till i die. so i gotta go, presentation slides waiting for me on powerpoint.

blog quote number 2:
"it's not how it is placed, but things come eventually."

GREATEST FEELINGS REVEALED.

2009-05-25T01:39:00.000-07:00

i don't know what's happening to me, but seriously, i can't believe i'm feeling THIS way right now! i know, it's seriously impossible, if you think about it. but then, IT HAPPENEDD. arrgghh. i cannot believe this. i know right now you must be wondering, what the hell am i talking about. but the thing is, i can't tell you i'm sorry. long story short, it was with *A* now it's with *B* and i was just thinking : WHATHEFUCK?!!!

random pics for the last couple of days : )

GRRR. i'm furious with this one person, one close friend of mine. what the hell is his problem? everytime we go out with all of our other friends, he goes on yapping about my secrets. he doesn't feel like he's doing it, but he is, every SINGLE time! arghhhhh it is so annoying. it really is. i wish i could just tape his mouth with masking tape or something. seriously! grow up! you're not in kindergarden, you're not in highschool. it's college! aaaahh. i have no more thing to say except this: ASSHOLE that's who you are if you keep on doing that. i'm serious, i'm not joking.

anddd yett, another one bites the dust. who would ever listen to me anyways.

daddy bought nana a dog. which is a mini pomeranian. SUCH A CUTIEEEE! i swear it is : ) it's really small, just about 15cm in length. and it's white. WHITEEEE! can you believe it? for years me and nana have been asking for a dog and all dad says is n-o NO! but miracle happens don't they? suddenly dad loves dogs and HURRAY a miracleee! the dog's name is quinto. i wonder why nana named the little thing that, but it's quite an awesome name, i should say. GREAT JOB DARLING. xoxo i miss you so so much. i'll be back home in a monthhhh. THERE ARE LOTS OF OPTIONS in foudation, right? hahaha. i still feel very relaxed though. i don't feel the least tired because of school : )

i think most of you guys are a bit curious about my love life. RIGHT? am i right? hahahaha. well if you're not, too bad. if you are, wait for signals and i'll tell you in between my blog quotes. IF you're smart enough, you'll know everything from, what i think about him, what i like about him, what i do with him, all of that shit! : ) if you guessed it right, i'll blog it. I'M SERIOUS. i will. if your guess is right about my blog quote, i'll write about that person one whole blog post. WITH HIS NAME. hahahaha, this is a bet, i repeat, this is a bet! get ready to put your thinking caps on. and i bet you'll be pumped up to know who

blog quote number 1:
" long long days it has been, but i think that makes me bloom."

got a clue? i bet not. xoxo!

LIKE STRAWBERRY WITH JAM.

2009-05-19T08:52:00.000-07:00

headache. been hiding in the closet for so long, soaked up tissues everywhere. do you know, that sometimes there are things that just happen? not that you want it to happen. it just happens by and the next thing you know you're doing it.

i know i've said that i'll stay until the end, but now i don't feel like going through it. i want to go back to jakarta for good. cause some people thinks that it's the best for me, so do i. now i feel like packing up my clothes and go home. i really do. how hard it is for me, you have no idea.

HAPPY DAYS

2009-05-18T02:46:00.000-07:00

i just can't accept the fact that my life isn't the same as love songs. i mean, love songs are so simple, straight forward, lovable, incredible, insanely amazing and uncontrollable. well then what more can i say: ) love songs exists because they are there to amaze people, to make people feel like melted ice cream on top of hot chocolate fudge. believe it or not, it crazes the imagination out of me. i always imagined somehow, me in a love song, a love story. aaahh the essence of love. desirable.

i really need to go on a shopping spree, i really do : ( AAHH, i'm going insaneeee not being able to have new outfits gaaahh! i have to use the same ones again and again which annoys the hell out of me. but if i do now, i can't buy new clothes later on on the 27th may, which is the vip night. discounts for those like us, is HEAVEN. hahaha. cheapp mondaaayyy! i crave for youuuu darlingg. come to momma very very soon okay haha.
things i want right now includes:

strap heels.

white shirt and blazer.

ankle boots.

leather jacket.

cheap monday's.

mom and dad is coming real soon. i don't know the exact date but i do know that they're coming, soon. which means i have to move out of the master bedroom for a couple of weeks GAAAAH!!! annnoooyeeeeeeeddd!! but on the bright side i could take mom's clothes. i swear i will haha, she'll be here with a luggage full of beautiful unimaginable outfits and go home with none. sorry mommy i need those more than you do, you could buy more in jakarta HAHAHA : ) muahmuah xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

GREAT LITTLEST THINGS.

2009-05-17T04:24:00.000-07:00

i have to thank God for this, seriously. maybe i should go to the church tomorrow : ) just to appreciate what God have gave me.

apparently, i was told to sing at this restaurant in GPO named ramenya. i was super duper nervous, and one of my friends told me that i looked really nervous : / but then after i sang, one of my sister's friends said that his friend wants to invite me in a band, which is super duper awesome. i loved the idea of being in a band. anyways it was my father's friend's restaurant. where suddenly he called my dad saying that i sound awesome. it was a great honor, i seriously think it was : ) if only i had the courage to perform, i'll be a musician rather than an artist. and what i think is that it's great that a lot of people support me. for once in my life i'm good at something, and that's the only thing i could be proud of, SINGING. how special it is to have this voice. can't thank anyone enough for the support, thank you for pushing me all the time. i know i'll refuse but, i really would loved it if i had the courage, the little courage i needed is there, but i just can't make it pop up. and you know what? my family supports me greatly in this. and i really really am thankful for that.

i think i don't have the courage because i always listen to my own voice and i tell myself: that sounds hideous. but when all these people, who are very special in my life, gives comment on my singing, saying that it's awesome and all, i can't pretty much believe it. i want to believe it, believe me i do. maybe it's just that i always think i'm nobody special: (

but you know what? i'm trying to change that. i'm trying to change the way i think. and i am trying to get in a band. and i hope i get in one, fingers crossed here : x singing solo just creeps me out. perhaps being in a band will boost my confidence a bit. but all i want is to be in one now, i really do : ) lets just keep our fingers crossed that someone offers me the job aye?

and what's even special is that i could feel, special again. not only because of the singing support, but also the great lovable things that have emerged : ) believe me i feel like a light bulb now, i feel bright : ) and that's a great thing you know? in fact, it's awesome. sorry for not posting pictures lately. just that i don't have pictures to upload currently. anyways i'll blog soon later on, xoxo.

DO I NEED A TITLE FOR THIS?

2009-05-13T02:59:00.000-07:00

what do you want, tell me, please. i have no idea how to figure you out, and somehow i'm captured in this spiderweb. *sigh. i'm not supposed to be like this, it's just stupid. but everytime something or someone pumps the adrenaline out of me i just had this feeling of curiosity all the time. blame me for being a curious little girl but yes, i'm seriously curious! in fact, i could think all day and not get an answer for it, and then still thinks about it at night. aaaaaahh, what's going on with me : (

being here in melbourne gives me a lot of thoughts about the real person i am. i'm opened up to a bigger freedom and all of a sudden a seed of devil is growing inside me. i know it sounds bad but it actually isn't. i'm starting to explore things that i haven't done, and i wondered about the people who cares about me the most, and those who just fake themselves out, wearing masks in front of me and opens it when i'm not around.

this gets me pumped up. i don't get why people are so naive. they act all nice to you but behind they act as a completely different individual. it's the worst when you have someone talking bad about you behind your back. i know it is: ( but what's even worst is that when they go out as a group, they didn't even think, or reconsider to ask several people just because they don't like that person currently. and to me, that's just cruel. plain cruel. they think they could just walk out happily and not think about others feelings? i just don't understand why . it's an unreasonable thought. thinking about them now just makes me sick. their faces, their smiles, their voices, makes me sick. what a fake mask you put on everyday huh?

and you know what? i don't even bother to think about them anymore. in fact, i have other friends that i could depend on. not someone like you who just calls to ask what homework there is, and what's the schedule for tomorrow's school. you people don't matter to me, at all. i assure you that. you guys effect nothing in my life. if you feel offended reading this, hell yeah that was my point.

another thing i hate. don't you just hate plagiarism? i do. and you know what happened? someone copied my photoshop design. someone stole my idea. do you know how annoyed that feels like? having the same final design as someone else, when you thought about it first? lucky we have different classes, or not that person's going down faster than wood burning. okay, just to be sure. i'm not a person that is over confidence, but i did post it first. and whether she copied or not, she should know that it wouldn't be nice if someone had the same design, she should know what i felt. it's not that i have bad feelings or bad vibes towards everyone. but if you were in my spot you would understand what i meant : ( and now i don't even want to be in the same chat conversation with that person. lets just say, staying away as far as you can is the best thing to do right now.

sorry for all these complains i'm throwing at you. it's just that, it's been hard with a couple of things, and i can't say it out loud. i know that complaining won't get me nowhere, it's just that i had to say my say of things around. great things just doesn't happen to me so often anymore, you know? it usually happens in every single week. but now i have to gain that and it's really hard : (

getting insane over thai songs. hey! don't get me wrong, they're really really really good. i'm not joking. good night xoxo.

SHIT, ALL MY FAULT

2009-05-11T08:06:00.000-07:00

again, i did not sleep this night. cause of calvin thamrin! well okay, i'm just kidding. it was his surprise for his bday and i felt like i had to come cause he's one of my best friends : ) and thus i did. but then i lost track of time and went home really late : / sorry sorry, i didn't mean to : ( it's just that when you have fun, you lose track of time and suddenly it's already 2, i am not to go anywhere late again, i suppose i could promise that for a month, yes? well, calvin my best friend, have the happiest sweet sexy bday ever! and i hope all the best wishes for you!

sorry i sprayed whipped cream all over your back. I JUST HAD TO! hahahahahaha, i love sabotaging people. so fun.

well i'm seriously sleepy right now. i drank one can of red bull just now to help with the sleepy head. but today's red bull's not working mates! it's really is annoying : x my head is really2 heavy. and my hair smells like cake. ALL BECAUSE OF CALVIN. ! damn you! and harmoko. and who else i forgot. all those who smother cake all over my face and hair. hahaha. well it was a very funny surprise, i suppose.

have a great day you guys.

ps: i'm really happy that my blog is more casual now that the cbox is gone. yeayy! i'm feeling that sense of freedom i long lost. greaaaatt : )

REALLY,

2009-05-10T20:48:00.000-07:00

sorry for not blogging these couple of days, but heyy! at least i tweet a lot. i guess that's why i don't blog anymore. cause there's this thing called twitter that i'm truly in love with <3

anyways, going to erase my cbox now. i suddenly thought of how comments make me write things with no freedom. i have a blog cause i have all these feelings piled up inside me, and i guess having a comment box will just limit words for me. and what's worst is that when no one leaves a comment it'll just turn your mood down to even write. so i guess i'll delete it. and thus in the future i don't really care about what people think and who visits my blog. cause in the end, all i want to do is just write about things i like and don't like. no one can't limit me from that : )

yesterday went to vlado's, a fine dining, steak-eating restaurant. unfortunately i had my dinner before going there, so i didn't get to eat there : ( i'm going to go there later on if i had the chance : )

pics, yes : )

going insaneeee for old love songs, well old songs at least ! : ) pleaseee anyonee, if there's any, any kind of 80's 90's song, tell me in msn. uhh got loads of homeworks to catch up to, gtg.

YEAAA,

2009-05-02T14:57:00.000-07:00

hello: )

yesterday was a wild night out. well, not really. HAHA. it was quite a controlled one. cause this time the place is bigggg, and not so many people came. okay, you guys might be wondering what the fuck am i talking about. well actually i went karaokeeee yesterday! hhahaha. i know you're jealous just say it : )

so yesterday we met up at es teler 77 and ate dinner. God, that was the first meal i've eaten all day. cause i just woke up at 3, and i need to do drawings back at the botanical garden, then there's a ppia meeting over at 6. so it was pretty hectic around and amazingly tiring. right after we went to KBOX, of course with reservations. then went in the room directly. sang heaps of songs, then i pretended that i needed to go home before 12, so me kevin calvin and agus went out to actually get the cake from moko's house. oh yeah, it was elline's birthday the minute after 12.

take the cake, went back in kbox, surprisee! : )

anyhow anyway, HAPPY BDAY ELLINEE : ) hope all the best wishes for you.

great things are starting to emerge. i can't explain it here but certainly my mood has increased a bit since that night : ) they could certainly make me laughh ! andd that's a good thing. shit i have like, tons of homeworks that i need to do, and i think i have to do it like, right now? HAHA. okay then ,i'll blog soon! xoxo

LONGLONG DAY.

2009-05-01T04:22:00.000-07:00

helloooo everyonee.

i'm sorry for not updating but it's been pretty hectic with things nowadays. all i have in my mind is : "let's kill someone tonight" or, "i feel like using a chainsaw" or you know, things like that. but what can i say, that is definitely impossible. if i did that already i would've been in an underground chamber eating flesh or something. okay, why am i talking shit? aahh my mind is tangled up so so much : (

great things haven't happen yet in these last 2 weeks. i mean, for the first month i was here in melb it was like HEAVEN. i swear it was. and all i could think of is that, i'm happy and nothing else matters. but then after that heavenly time God gave me, now my days are full with sorrow and regrets and all those shiteous stuffs you could think of. i know i know, i'm not blaming God for this. it's just that, why is life sometimes unfair? when you needed all that push in a certain time, nothing came by. i swear if i had a knife in my hands right now, i could stab someone and punch em in the face. okay that's just a joke. but you get what i mean. i'm furious! i'm mad, i'm sad, i'm dissatisfied, i'm in sorrow, i'm broken hearted, i'm devastated. all these things, aahh, really is breaking my heart : ( all i can think of is : home, ohh home sweet home back in jakarta. i'm suddenly feeling homesick because of all this shit. i miss playing with my sister. i miss my grandma mum and dad a lot. i miss the cooking there. i miss practically everything: ( why is it so hard here i really don't understand why. it's hard back in jakarta and it's hard here too: (

and don't you think people change really fast? like, one day they're really really nice to you, and caring, and all that crap. but then after some time, they probably felt bored with you, and then starts to move away slowly, then dissapears? i really don't understand why. the more i think about it, the more i blame myself for things that aren't really a fault of mine. i keep on saying to myself, : that person is shit, don't need to think about it anymore, it really isn't worth it. but as they say, the more shiteous that person is, the more you get sucked in. it's somehow like gravity you know? or a blackhole. aaaahh! in need of comfort. i seriously need support.

school AAH. one person said to me the worst things i could ever hear through my ears about my skills and it felt like 100 knifes plunging in and out in different directions. what is worst than someone close saying that. i really have high hopes and high expectations of myself excelling in design. but sometimes i feel like, i don't deserve being here. i should've just ... quit. sometimes i think : i don't feel its all worth it. i can't ... think. and i hate these thoughts. i really do. i promised myself, i will not quit. but why all of a sudden these feelings? these thoughts? i really don't know. i hate criticizes. i really hate it when someone speaks their minds about bad things. why don't you keep it to yourself huh!

i'm sorry i keep on blabbering things that'll just bore you. but i can't refuse the urge to blog about these feelings i keep on having. am in no mood to post pictures. but feel free to browse my facebook page : )

good night then, have a great day you all.

BIRTHDAYS.

2009-04-22T23:49:00.000-07:00

hello there! : ) how are you guys? it has been a while hasn't it?

anyways, today i cooked kimchi soup! wohooo! but you know what? it's not so tasty . AHAHA. cause, i'm still beginner you know? i know you get it! yea yea yea! i wish i could blog everyday, but then it'll be super duper boring cause i don't have pics to upload you know? and, i'll just waste out of topic. lol. so from now on, read my twitter, cause it's uploaded very very often. hahaha, doing advertisement here.

so today we went to surprise Julian, with a bra, and a donut cake. it was hilarious when we placed the bra on him. cause he was like, so frickin dumb! he should've wore that all the time, looks seriously cool on him HAHA.

LOOK.

AT.

HIM. !

God, he is goddamn hilarious, i'm gonna buy him bra more often : ) and we signed the bra too btw, it's all in facebook. haha. anyways, great wishes and luck to you julian, hope you all the best, happy bday! : )

okay, yesterday was my sister's bday. HAPPY BDAY SIS! : ) and here are the bday surprise pics.

so many birthdays this month. happy belated bday to chey cia yen too! : ) andd, ally raleen, happy bday, great wishess to you all! so much that i can't remember. HAHA. seriously, i don't remember people's bday dates. i wish i could but there's just too much! no offense, i do love you guys, i just can't remember. HAHA. all of my besties know this. they certainly understand my capability of not remembering very well.

if only this world is made out of cotton candies and sugar puffs i won't have feelings of regret or sadness. living in this world full of cruelty and punishment which i'm certainly not adapted yet made me feel even more dead inside : ( *sigh. what i had during the easter break? i had regrets for breakfast, endurance of pain for lunch, and painful memories for dinner. believe me, these feelings keep coming back, and when they come back it's much stronger than ever giving me such a painful blow in the heart *sigh. i know this must've bore you i'm sorry, but i'm currently in a very bad-mood mode. and what i feel is definitely a negative thing vibrating within me : ( this makes me think, if i could just make another blog to write about all my feelings, what i hate and what i regretted, it would make my heart much better. i would love to have a blog where no one could read it and judge me. but in the other hand, having a blog like this is a happy thing, i guess.

i can't believe i'm sleepy at this time, still 11.49pm. gosh, i guess all this ashitments is making me feel very tired. i guess i'm gonna jump into bed after i finish my research on andy goldsworthy. try googling that, perhaps you'll learn a little bit of art too : ) good night, andd loves and kisses for you all muah muah.

" The hardest thing to do is waking up without you."

FEELING JAZZY?

2009-04-18T13:30:00.000-07:00

things happen for a reason. but isn't it funny when someone changes overnight?

anyway, yesterday i went to jazznite! : ) majazztic, to be exact. i was there with agnes and vania. it was pretty boring the first half an hour. andddd vania ditched the event, where me and agnes went searching for food to mcd. agnes then went home and thus i stayed with my sister until the whole thing closes. like, i was there even for the movement of the stuffs. so yeah, stayed up till about 1, then went to the after party just to look around : )

pics? no pics. i have no camera with me at that moment, and pics are all distributed around friends camera. have to ask for em, soon! but meanwhile, the karaoke pics are here already, so i might as well post em now.

jazznite pictures are coming, very very soon! : )

aaaah, i'm sick now. and i really hate it. the flu the cough,. AAAAH. i can't think properly now, it's all so tangled up. being sick SUCKS, BIG TIME. too much karaoke makes us sick, is it? haha.

this was the other karaoke session i had with my sister's friends. it was on april 14th. the one i said that we were going on a road trip to bebeth's house. and you know what? suddenly when we knew that there's a karaoke machine, we just dumped our movie marathon plans HAHA. classic.

can't think of anything to write anymore now. so talk to you soon!

oh yeah, i got twitter now. it's http://twitter.com/ameliabunjamin.

BOULEVARD OF BROKEN DREAMS.

2009-04-16T15:17:00.000-07:00

aaahhhhhhhhh what a week, i could say that. it's such a tiring and awesome one, that i lost my voice and my throat hurts like, HELL, i should've stopped karaoke-ing haha.

i must say, this easter break is quite, umm, entertaining and challenging for me. challenging? maybe you would ask why. but it seriously is. can't say that here but it's seriously a hard week : ( anyways, i went to great ocean road yesterday. at first we kept on going at the wrong way, but then when it all suits in, it's an okay trip, an average one.

but overall, damn! hot beach, greatttt weatherr : )

look at this rainbow! i've seen like, 4 rainbow's in a day and they're all super beautiful. how God creates things is amazing : )

the better pictures aren't with me, they're all distributed throughout my friends' camera. ANDDD, they have better cameras so i guess it must be of a better better quality! haha. steven even shot a photo of my nudie jeans, in the great beach of the great ocean road of this great great world HAHA : ) i'll post more if the other's upload em. speaking about nudie jeans, my jeans got washed up by the sea water, which will definitely ruin them, and i'll have to buy new ones, IF i'm allowed hahahaha. mommy mommy give me nudie jeans pleaseee? : )

still umm another 4 days to go till school and i'm practically dying! i don't wanna go back to building 87 and draw, cause i'm really am sick of drawingg *sigh. i guess that's design school huh? tomorrow's jazznite, YEAYY : ) i'm really excited for thatt. i hope this little scar on my face could fade faster! : ( need to take a bath and go shopping, my sister needs a dress. see yaaa

PORT SHIT.

2009-04-13T00:34:00.000-07:00

heyy everyoneee.

sorry for not updating, i can't even think of updating when i'm having this much fun! : ) andd basically i have no pictures, that's the second reason. HAHA. i seriously need to bring my camera more often : ( but i do have pictures, soon i'll post, yes? it's in my friend's camera. she'll upload it soon i suppose.

yesterday was a busy busy day. i went with sis hendy and jeffrey to go accompany the boys play basketball, and then off to kanpai, a seriously nice restaurant, as in the taste of the food. we played chapsa, and i won, A LOT. HAHAHA. no offense but i'm good baby, i'm good. then off to karaoke at k-box with friends. it was seriously a wild one, HAHA. we danced and sangg, and till now my voice is still crazily uneven : ( and at night i went to crown, by foot. and met accidentally with sujana and jeffrey. so yeahh, crazy dayy. PHOTOS coming soonnn.

today i went bbq-ing in port melbourne. crazy how God creates things huh? it was magnificent, i could say that. i seriously enjoy the view and how it feels being there made me feel a bit alive : ) but on the other side, yeahh, not such an enjoyable bbq. the people isn't umm, how could i say this, socialized? can't say that here. just one thing i could say, wasn't enjoyable AT ALL. then me sis fiona bebeth and gavin went to the city together, spent hours chatting in qv. we had such such a great talk,

i guess tomorrow we're going to go together on a road trip. well, it isn't such a road trip, it's just a trip to bebeth's house for a movie marathon! wohoo. goodnight loves : )

DAMN.

2009-04-07T02:47:00.000-07:00

i shouldn't blog at a time like this *sigh. its 2.12am now, and i've just started printing my hero drafts. omg what am i thinking, i should do this 4 hours ago! it's like so late right now. yeahh i forgot to do it, aaah an idiot i am : (

here's a picture of my hero presentation for now, it isn't finished yet, but i hope it finishes fast : / i'm so tired aaahh.

anyways, i cooked spaghetti today yumm, i love the taste of spaghetti's HAHA : ) good night all, i'll blog as soon as i get my hands on this laptop soon, if i have great pictures of coursee haha.

BUSY WEEKEND.

2009-04-05T21:51:00.000-07:00

heyy peeps! any new news about any any little thing? : ) anyways, it's been super hectic today. i have to do things that is out of my limit, out of my reach, which is really frustrating cause you can't always do what you want to do. it's 9.30PM here and i'm really really tired : x yesterday i slept at 5 finishing my hero presentation. God, i'm so so tired. sorry for not going to church today, i really have a lot of homeworks : /

yesterday i went to harbourfront, which is somewhere in docklands? i suppose. idk, well at least i think that's the place of destination : ) it was with my sister, hendy and jeffrey. we played the game, word mole. it's a blackberry phone game ONLY! : ) LOL and it was very entertaining, for me : )

then later at 6 i went to papan's house for dinner, and so on. we continued this to drink coffee in federation square, but then i can't go so i have to go back home : (

WHEN I REACHED HOME, fcuk, what the hell. i didn't bring my keys and my brother is having his "golden bath", which means a very very long bath. and so i waited in the lobby for around 20 minutes. and i went outside, then got locked out from the lobby. so i waited another 20 minutes outside in the colddddddd! aaah, such a silly day it was.

how do i feel right now? i feel retarded! YEAH, retarded. i'm sick of the smell of glue, i'm sick of scissors, no no, i'm sick of frckin CUTTERS! sick of JAC paper, sick of EVERYTHINGGG! urggh, i feel like hell : ( i'm in great need of a holiday week. which is this week starting friday thank Godd!! and i hope we all could have a great time in great ocean road. looking forward to that trip yea yea yea!

anyway, can't blog any longer. i have to die making design communication stuffs for vanessaraus. BLAAH! and a drawing , which is completely sickening if i draw it. cause my drawing's shit. AAAAH lucky for you who are still in high school, believe me, enjoy every moment.

" Sometimes being wrong is a right thing to do. "

TIRED AND AWAKE.

2009-03-31T09:00:00.000-07:00

i feel like crap right now. it's 3.48 am now and i'm still awake. my class is at 9 tomorrow and i have to wake up at 7 to get ready for school. i had been late for the past 2 days, and i don't want to be late tomorrow. *sigh : ( what am i gonna do? sleep or stay awake till 8? it's just 4 hours to go, i could make more homework? uhh idk.

let me start by telling you how many homeworks and deadlines i have,

- make a development book for the sport biathlon.

- final english draft, using double spacing that is : ) haha

- pop up book for heroes (hero as in, the one you adore in the art industry) presentation.

- draw the landscape of the state library & the streets in A3 paper for production skills.

i'm not gonna have a fun weekend : ( aaah. so tired

IN NEED OF CONSULTATION.

2009-03-29T08:58:00.000-07:00

why am i such an idiot, seriously. i could go out with any guy i think is comfortable, and i would always say yes, and this gives them the wrong impressions. but by doing this i'm just ruining everything. i slept every night thinking about the same things, and it would always go down to a big zero, no results whatsoever : ( like i mean, my friends says that i give signals to all boys, and this puts a big question mark in my head. like, i'm really sorry but i just don't know how not to, cause what i think is, we're just friends, you know? i'm really in no mood to be in a relationship, and that's just my final decision right now. anyways i'm not allowed, and i wont be in one until i am : )

i just wanted to give a say: ) and if anyone thinks i'm too "gampangan" because i go out easily, sorry i am not. and please don't think of me in a negative way. i am not a bad person. and . . . i'm really really sorry.

RETARDS.

2009-03-28T03:27:00.000-07:00

went to the library today: ( so early, i went at 3. i didn't get to sleep 15 hours like last friday HAHA. anyways. i went there with celine and angie. then i went directly to melbourne central to meet my besties, and their friends. we went to hang guk guan like, after they shop. BELIEVE IT OR NOT, i haven't shopped much here, wthel. mommy give me money to shop! HAHA.

then yeah, we went in hang guk guan, and these group of chinese idiots started looking at me from head to toe. you know what? go fuck yourself. yeahh go fucking fuck yourself suckers. IDIOTS, that's what you are. frickin retards need to learn something called m a n n e r s. are you like 5 or what. and, they didn't just looked for a minute or something. they went on like that for like, the whole time i was there. and they were laughing too. assholes go to hell, nobody likes you, GO PLAY WITH YOUR CAT OR SOMETHING. i hate chinese people from china, they have no manners. no offense for those who does : )

fiuuhh, God, i am so sorry for swearing but yeah, i can't back it down my throat. i just had to let it all out before i blow, : ( anyways, whatever with those pieces of shit.

some pics, yes : )

there's gonna be more on facebook, i haven't uploaded em yet cause the internet is so so slow nowadays, BROTHER! stop downloading movies! aaaaahh, it's really2 slow seriously. good night everyone ! muah muah

DO I HAVE TO PUT A TITLE?

2009-03-26T23:55:00.000-07:00

heloooo : )

hows everybody doing? great good okay? well today is a very very tiring day, i feel like banging my head to a wall, or bash everyone on the streets with a machete, just like grand thief auto, GOD i miss that game lotsss. i just finished washing and ironing clothes. tiredd. i ate at hwaro today. it's a korean restaurant. i'm crazy like, HELL, i've been eating korean for the past few days, and i'm getting sick of it, i think? hahaha. or maybe i'm just getting even more addicted to korean food.

yesterday i went to eat at garamerica with RMIT friends, here are some pics : )

and now i have this kinda stupid question that i would like to ask. why do we have to eat, and pay for it, when actually after we eat it, we dispose it again, in the toilet? HAHAHA. answer me EVERYONEEE. ANSWER MEEEE. HAHAHA LOL.

AT LAST AT LAST AT LAST! another LONG weekend. yeaaahh yippeee hurrayyy. i'm so so happy i'll get to hang out and play around without bothering the homeworks and deadlines i have: ( have to forget all of that this weekend.

gonna meet with my besties tomorrow, for ldinner at hang guk guan. againn, a korean restaurantt. omg i'm becoming half korean soon lol. and for saturday perhaps hanging out with jeff, and his dog, maybee. and for sunday, church. i'm becoming very religious here : ) mwahaha LOL. anyways, lets see what happens then. TTYL : ) muahhh

I'M A BUSY BEE : )

2009-03-25T06:44:00.000-07:00

it has been around 10 days since my last post. OMG. haha. i have no idea that i didn't write for that long. well, i miss writingggg. i wish i have time for other things, but now i'm just so busy, i don't think i can cope with it : ( and taradadaaaam, i've got accepted in McDonalds. yipee me. which means i'm going to be super busy with everything. i'm now really really tired, i haven't have enough sleep for the past week, and my head is hurting so bad, shit.

and now i have 2 deadlines for tomorrow. this week has been a shiteous week, i'll tell you that. my bangs are now closing my eyes, which is seriously annoying, i have tons of homeworks, i have a job training i'll need to do soon, and i have to hang out with my friends at the same time. living here is h a r d: (

anyways, calvin thamrin is in melbourne now. HAHA. anddd we're gonna meet up soon, maybe tomorrow for basketball. but idk, let's see if he could come or not, my 12 years childhood friend! : )

heyy, a message to someone. you are so ugly! ugly like a monkey! monkey from the jungle! jungle that is so dark! dark that means no light! light will not shine on you! you are so ugly! ugly like a monkey! ........ and so on. HAHA. this is fuckin random mwahahah. I MADE THAT SONG BTW. lol ttyl loveeesss